Let me tell you a story about my Uncle Eddie. Sadly, due to the fact that he died last year, he is no longer with us. But during his 74 years of life, Eddie always did and said things that everyone remembers long past the actual event at which he did or said the things he did or said. To say he was a character would be an understatement of epic proportion. In fairness to Eddie, if he was raised in todays culture, he would most likely be diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome - certainly not a bad thing - but simply a layer to the complexity of who he was. I’m taking the time to introduce you to Eddie because in a normal sense, given his propensity to speak out of turn, be louder than everyone at an event, always the one to cuss in church or at some other inappropriate time, he probably wouldn't be the first person most would add to their list as either the ideal family or friend.
The old saying of getting to pick your friends versus being born into family has some relevance, and in the case of Eddie I know that was true. Eddie struggled to make friends meaning family became his friends. All the dynamics that make up a friendship as well as the additional stresses of also being family meant that Eddie spent most of his life gravitating between really close and spectacularly distant from his siblings as the things that create conflict and drama were thrust upon him throughout life. Eddie had 2 sisters, one of which being my mother, and a younger brother. Listening to the 4 siblings debate, argue, confer, comfort, support and languish with each other always made for good entertainment to those who got to take part. Often a mild shake of the head was all that needed to be said, but despite all the good and bad family is family, and for Eddie and the rest of his siblings it was just life as normal.
The reality is, getting through life with only a handful of people that are really close to you is just a simple fact. My best friend and I are celebrating 30-years of friendship this year, a friendship that was stuck up while I was a sophomore in high school. But whether family or friends, those you have around you are the ones you do life with. And your journey is unique and special and in almost all cases can’t be duplicated by others. Having a relationship with one translate and impress itself onto another friend is almost always impossible, so as a result the friendships you have with one person may bear no resemblance to a friendship with someone else. And yet within all of that you juggle and maintain, and seek to find time to share in each others company while building on everything great that is friendship.
But how many of us struggle to find the time to be intentional about our friendships? How often do we find the stresses of life more daunting and time consuming leaving us unable to be there for the ones we love and care about? How much life with those you actually want to spend time with have you missed out on due to other obligations?
I love watching as my 9-year old daughter continues to learn. Lately she has been fascinated with this idea of a job, especially as it pertains to my wife. Since I work from home, she gets to see her dad do work, but her mom leaves everyday for the office. I love when questions come from her young mind regarding the day to day stuff my wife does, or when she questions how much my wife gets paid, or who my wife’s friends are at work. The reality is, although my wife really likes her job and has people at work she is friendly with, the truth is she has never spent time with any of those people outside of an office setting. That’s not a bad thing, its simply a dynamic of the work place environment that exists in most offices throughout the world. A paycheck is why she goes to work everyday, the fact that the time spent there is made more tolerable as a result of office place friendships is a great byproduct. But absent those the harsh truth is she still would want to go to work everyday for 2 key reasons, first and foremost the paycheck. Second is the fact she enjoys what she does. She didn’t go there to make friends, she went for the pay.
That may seem harsh, but look at that idea against your own life. You know who you want to spend time with. My guess is in most cases co-workers aren’t as high on the list as your close friends and family. Allocating the time you spend with friends and family demands intentional planning on your part. Work and other obligations will smother out any hope of a social life if you allow it to. It takes hard work and intention to maintain friendships.
Working with a Life Coach can help bring your life into balance teaching you the skills necessary to be able to maximize the time you spend with friends and family without have any adverse effect on your career. Next week we will tackle the topic of career, it is an important topic that we will dive deep into, but for now I challenge you to identify a time in your life where you missed out on doing something you wanted to do with a friend or loved one. In identifying that event, think about the events that led up, or the challenges that presented themselves that precluded you from participating in what you wanted to do.
By doing this simple exercise we will start to connect the dots as we seek to gain balance in life that will truly allow you to live your life to the fullest. And in the end, isn’t that what it is all about?
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