It’s Ok To Be Behind - Make A Point To Catch Up

If you are reading this in real time, you, like the rest of the world know, that last night was the Super Bowl.  Seeing as our family is not a big sports family, the games leading up to the big game typically are not part of our normal viewing repertoire, but as a family we typically make a point to watch the Super Bowl, if only for the commercials.

This year we were invited to some friends house along with another couple, and we along with the kids watched the game running commentary on not just the game, but the commercials as well.    

Although there are many who will attempt to analyze the game failing to recognize the high level of skill and talent the players, coaches and other staff have in reaching that level of success, I thought it important to focus on what I think is a takeaway we all can learn from and challenge ourselves with.

At halftime, both teams left the field with one leading the other on the scoreboard.  Based on first half play, it was obvious the losing team was struggling to get their game sorted out as the other team dominated.  

Obviously I, along with all of you, where not in the locker rooms during halftime, but I am pretty confident the following two conversations took place.  For the team leading at the half, the discussion centered around keeping up what was being done, and not let your guard down and become overconfident in what had already occurred.

For me, the conversation that took place in the other locker room though it what I want to focus on for a minute here.  No one wants to be losing, certainly not in the biggest game of the year.  But here is a fact, it is not uncommon to find yourself in a situation, be it at work, life, or with family, where you feel like you are behind and others are winning where you struggle.

May I ask you a question?  

What did you do at those times to make corrections to your plan so that you eventually came out ahead?

Within the context of sports, the coach on the team behind at the half most likely spoke to the team suggesting that each player reflect on the actions, plays, and movements made during the prior half, and seek ways to change their own response so that their individual play could effect positive change on the team as a whole.

We all know the team leading at the half did not exit the locker room intending to lose, their goal was to keep hold of and maintain the strides already made and add to it.  Life has a funny way of moving the expected outcome and surprising everyone though.  

Coming from behind and winning at that which you have set out to do is always great thing.  Sometimes being behind is enough of a motivator to help you pull ahead.  

This week, the challenge is simple.  Identify an area of your life that you feel like you are not currently winning at, and start laying out some plans to change that outcome.  Here is what I know for sure.  Just like the team that was behind at the half, they emerged from the locker room with a plan to win.  While I know you won’t always win at everything, when you choose to tackle that item you will make strides that has you coming out ahead in the end, even if you do not ultimately win.  Speaking from experience, I know that those strides will impact your life for the positive and make you, a better you.

So go ahead, the pep talk is over, halftime has concluded.  Get back out there on the field and start your journey to win.

*****

Personal Success Coach is pleased to offer coaching packages starting at $299 per month.  Each session is intentional and deliberately designed with you in mind to address the issues important to you taking you from where you are in life to where you want to be.

Coloring Outside The Lines

Have you ever heard someone tell you that they like to color outside the lines?  It is an interesting word picture, and personally speaking as someone who always hated coloring in general, staying within the lines always seemed boring to me.  Of course, as an adult, I spend no time coloring, but in recent years there has been a renaissance of sorts with multiple adult coloring markets coming to market to rekindle that creative spark of a child past.

During the past few weeks I have heard several different people use the line, ‘color outside the lines’, and although each time I heard it the context had some similarities, the reasons given for, ‘coloring outside the lines’ was drastically different, but challenging.

What does it mean to color outside the lines?  In the simplest sense, it is a cliched way to suggest either breaking the rules, or expressing creativity, or being non-conforming in a particular area of life.  In the grand scheme of things, I really do not think any of those things are bad in and of themselves, but I also think that a value can emerge if the action is done effectively and with intention.

Some of my biggest breakthroughs have come as a result of challenging a convention or prior protocol.  The phrase, we do it that way because that is how we have always done it, in my opinion, is toxic both to the individual as well as the organization.  It is within those times that finding a new way to do things is not only needed, but necessary.  

Granted, it does not always have to be ground shaking change, but having the tenacity to suggest new methods to the process not only invites innovation, often times it will serve as a catalyst for change with others as well.

I remember years ago Hewlett-Packard ran a series of commercials that ended with the tagline, “What if?”  The idea is so simple, and yet so profound, that even to this day, the notion resonates with me and serves as a de facto question within multiple roles that I find myself in.

What if we can do things differently?

What if we try that process another way?

What if we identify ways to make things more efficient?

The “what if” question lends itself to so many different areas of life, but more than that, in asking the question you yourself start to color outside the lines.  Offering up a challenge that leads to positive change is always a good thing, and often times that change will impact the lives of those who fall under the changes made.

I don’t know about you, but I see that as a good thing.  Perhaps coloring outside the lines serves a purpose other than being a fancy catch phrase tossed around when bantering with others in the office.

Regardless of what you call it, creating opportunities for change is something I am always on the lookout for.  The challenge this week is to find ways to effect change within your sphere of influence.  Maybe someday others will refer to you as a person who colors outside the lines.

*****

Personal Success Coach is pleased to offer coaching packages starting at $299 per month.  Each session is intentional and deliberately designed with you in mind to address the issues important to you taking you from where you are in life to where you want to be.

Resolution Requires Change

Can we get honest with each other for a few minutes?  I really like this time of year.  Not the cold weather, but the wind down of one year and the ramp up to another.  Christmas is behind us, New Years is upon us, and with that a season of reflecting back on what was, and seeking to establish new routines for what will be.

I always find it laughable when one banters on about resolutions they are making.  Sadly, it normally does not take more than a few days to have those resolutions pushed off into next year, a seeming abyss that in reality gets further and further away, the older one gets.

The best laid plans often lead to nothing absent a plan to make them work.  New Years resolutions are great ideas that rarely turn into change, and I for one think that is a shame.

The dictionary defines the root word of resolution, resolute, as follows:

Resolute - adjective - admirably purposeful, determined, and unwavering

I like the sound of those words, if you failed to recognize it, those my friend are powerbroker words.  Admirable, purposeful, determined, unwavering.  

I don’t know about you, but those are words I want others to use when describing me.

But can I rock your world and thought process for a moment and suggest something.  In most cases, those probably are not the words used to describe you, are they?

Here is the thing. Resolution requires change.  Change is hard.  Complacency is always the easier path.  And before you know it, this new year will be over and you will be right back where you started.

Good ideas coupled with great intention that fails to garner results.

Might I be so bold as to suggest an alternative this year?  What would it take for you to actually make a resolution, and commit to it fully and see it to fruition so that it becomes a new normal in your life.

The experts suggest that new things take 2-3 weeks to become new habits.  In other words, if your resolution this year is to join (or return) to the gym, it will take 2-3 weeks of you being intentional about that for it to become a new normal.  If that resolution is giving up something, perhaps smoking or unhealthy food, it will take 2-3 weeks of not consuming those items for that new norm to develop.

Remember, I told you ahead of time that change is hard.  Real, life changing, course correcting change requires sacrifice and a commitment to establish a new normal that will in turn define the life you want to live.

I get it, it is not a lot of fun, and initially it will not be easy.  But if I know anything I know this, nothing in life worth doing is ever going to be easy.  And if you suck it up and recognize that it will take several weeks for these new habits to develop, you have everything to gain and nothing to lose.

So the challenge this week is really quite simple.  Rather than a flippant remark about what you are resolving to do in the upcoming new year, why not spend some time challenging yourself with the things you’d really like to see accomplished, and set some goals that see you living your life to its fullest not only in this upcoming year, but for years to come.

I promise you that the reward far outweighs the sacrifice, and to me, that sure does seem like a good resolution.

*****

Personal Success Coach is pleased to offer coaching packages starting at $299 per month.  Each session is intentional and deliberately designed with you in mind to address the issues important to you taking you from where you are in life to where you want to be.

Success Is More Fun Shared

Have you ever made it to the top?  Perhaps you are not sure of what I am referring to.  Have you ever made it to the top, the pinnacle of success, the peak of perhaps a career, or a life long accomplishment.  Those are the sort of ‘tops’ I am referring to.  So let me pose the question again, have you ever made it there?

Humor me, and allow me to ask another question.  When you got to the top, did you feel alone or were you surrounded by those who helped achieve that success that you now celebrate?

For me, it is a timely topic.  I recently had the opportunity to be a part of celebrating a friends success.  I, along with hundreds of other people all played a small role in their success, but in seeing them achieve that goal I can’t help but be proud to have been allowed to be a part of the process.

Success is awesome, and it is something we all seek.  Success alone however is hollow and lacks the substance that success shared with others brings.  The fact is, very rarely will a person achieve success all by themselves.  It is inevitable that many people played roles that allowed you to accomplish the things you want to accomplish.

I for one have been on both sides of that equation.  I have been fortunate to celebrate success with those who helped me achieve my goals, but likewise I have been involved as others sought the success desired for their life.

The amazing thing is both circumstances offer such fulfillment in life.  As I left the event that celebrated my friends success, I was honestly filled with pride and a true sense of accomplishment knowing that my bit role was important to the much larger picture.

Inversely, reflecting back I know that my successes in life would not have come were it not for the sacrifice and support of others invested in me and the vision outlined.  

As humans, we were not designed to do life alone.  Life is much better in community, and success simply comes as a byproduct of that community.  Are you connected in community?  Perhaps the better question might be, are you connected in community and working towards a common goal that will see you or others achieve success?

The challenge is really quite simple.  If you are the one seeking success in an area of life, embrace those that are there to support you.  And when you accomplish that item, recognize those that helped and share your joy with them.

Likewise, if you are part of someone else’s journey, embrace that time and put your all into it.  Be the person they need you to be, and do not be afraid to celebrate with them when they accomplish the item set out to be conquered.

I promise you, when you tackle life in that manner, life will reward you and truly make your life lived fuller and more complete.  And in the end, that helps to define success, no matter where you are at in your life right now.

*****

Personal Success Coach is pleased to offer coaching packages starting at $299 per month.  Each session is intentional and deliberately designed with you in mind to address the issues important to you taking you from where you are in life to where you want to be.

The Disfunction of Family

It may not be funny, but it sure is true.  It is said you can pick your friends, but you cannot pick your family.  I think if we are all honest, there is a lot of that statement we all can relate to.  Even if you are not honest about this, I will be honest.  

Sadly, I come from a family, that much like EVERYONE ELSES has high degrees of disfunction on some level or another.  I state this to point out that you, are not alone.  You, like me, are in a boat that many people share.

It is interesting however how different people deal with and handle the disfunction that exists within their own lives.

This past weekend saw a family reunion of sorts occur in my neck of the woods.  Truth be told, it has been, and continues to be a really fun event.  The issue lies in the fact that one of my parents remains bitter and hostile towards the other, thirty years after the divorce occurred.  

It is as if they are each others kryptonite.  Because of this, it is just best that that parent simply not be alerted or advised should the other one be in town.  It is just that simple.  

Or at least should be.  

To me, it is simply childish behavior stemming from events of a bygone era.  To put it into perspective, these events occurred at a time and place wherein most people had a landline phone, if, and the key word is, IF, they had a cell phone, they wanted it to flip because that is what the status symbol of the day was.  BMW 3-Series still sold more manuals than automatics, and heck, you can’t even get a manual 3-Series anymore since they only sell automatics.

You get the picture, A LONG TIME AGO.

The fact is, there is actually a lesson that can be extracted from the events of this weekend and the relationships that still cause stress on others.

Are you ready for it?

Here goes…

GET OVER IT.

You heard me.  GET OVER IT.  The fact is, life is way too short to hold on to the things that make you mad or upset.  I get it, relationships break, and sometimes even lead to divorce.  And sure, one side or the other may be baffled in the reality that that now brings, but the fact is.  Life goes on, and so should you.

I write this, perhaps more so for me and my family, than for you and yours.  But the fact is, in life I think we all tend to hold on to stuff more than we should and by doing so we introduce disfunction into our lives and the world we live in.

And for what?

If you, and I, are truly honest with ourselves.  It accomplishes NOTHING except creating stress in our lives and the lives of those we love and enjoy doing life with.   Worse, if you hold on to it long enough, and banter, and rant, and rave, and complain, and dissent as often as I have seen some do, guess what?  Others do not enjoy being around you.

No, there was no Kum Ba Ya moment this weekend between my parents, nor should there have been.  What should have occurred is adults acting like adults and simply getting along because it is the right thing to do, regardless of past grievances, right, wrong or indifferent.

But that is OK, because you, like me, have the option to not only learn from those past mistake, but to do better within our own lives and families and seek ways not to repeat those mistakes.

Yes, you, and you alone have the ability to effect change in your life and the lives around you.  I don’t know about you, but for me, that just seems to make more sense that the alternative.  

So here is the challenge this week, and it is in fact a very simple one.  If there are areas in your life that you are carrying baggage, rather than continue to carry that baggage.  Why not resolve it, let it go, put it behind you, and move on with your life choosing to look forward versus constantly looking back.

This much I know.  You, like me may have disfunction floating around within your world, but like me, you can choose not to allow it to affect the life you live, and the life you want for your loved ones and friends.  

*****

Personal Success Coach is pleased to offer coaching packages starting at $299 per month.  Each session is intentional and deliberately designed with you in mind to address the issues important to you taking you from where you are in life to where you want to be.

Everyone Is A Success At Something

Let’s face it, we all know the person in our lives who is in a constant state of chaos.  Every time you encounter them, it is only a matter of minutes before the drama starts.  The complete rundown of everything going wrong, and the list of those who wronged them.  The never ending pity party of failure and distress.

You know the person(s) in your life, I know the people who fit that bill in my life.  Truth be told, I try to avoid them like the plague.  I cringe when I see their name popup on my caller ID, I squirm when meeting them in public.  To add a little bit of humor too in person meetings, I will go out of my way to excuse myself leaving my wife or others there to listen while I move on to other things.

I just do not have time to listen as they regurgitate their life issues, over and over and over again.  It grows old, we all grow weary, and if we are truly honest, often times we probably ponder the age old question, why won’t they make a change.

Here though, lies the most unfortunate truth with those people.

THEY ARE SUCCEEDING IN LIFE!

You heard me, they are truly a success in life.  They have succeeded at choosing to lead a life that has something or someone to blame for the current predicament they are in.  And within that context hides the lesson I think we all can embrace and apply to our own lives.

You (and I) will succeed at something in life.  We may succeed by being successful, we may succeed by failing.  But guess what, either way, success has occurred.

I know some awfully successful failures.  No, I am not talking about those who have failed, picked themselves up and tried again achieving the success they were seeking.  

Nope, the kind of success I am referring to is the person who constantly is in a state of failure in their lives.  Technically speaking, they have succeeded at what they set out to do.  If success is consistently doing things right to achieve an outcome - then failing all the time at everything tried is a success in and of itself.

Imagine living life being known as successful for failing.  

And yet, we all know people who fall under this definition.  People who allow life, or the events of their life, to dictate the path their life follows.  People who use those events as the catalyst to not effect change, thereby failing in whatever they try.

Around my house, the word ‘can’t’ is equivalent to a cuss word.  It is a word that I find so self-destructive as it contains within it a self-fulfilling prophecy.  I tell my kids all the time, “when you say you can’t do something, you will succeed at that statement.”  I can’t is the opposite of I can, and I can is the springboard that successful people use to make their lives one that effects change in those around them, and in some cases, the world around them.

Circling back to the opening salvo this week, in identifying those you know who live their life in a constant state of excuse thereby creating an environment that they continually succeed at failing, let me ask you if that is the way you want to live life?  

My guess would be, “No,” I for one know that I may not always succeed at that which I try, but the success comes from trying, learning, and applying to future endeavors.

This week be intentional about surrounding yourself with people, who like you, choose to succeed in life.  Be open and receptive to not only sharing your secrets to success, but listening as they shares theirs with you.

Anyone can makes excuses, choose instead to make successes.

*****

Personal Success Coach is pleased to offer coaching packages starting at $299 per month.  Each session is intentional and deliberately designed with you in mind to address the issues important to you taking you from where you are in life to where you want to be.

Choosing To Fail

I have a friend, he is almost 20 years older than me, and having known him for most of my life, I think I can speak with authority in the topic being introduced here today.  

My friend has been married several times, and divorced from the mother of his three adult children, he now resides with his girlfriend who is my age, and therefore 20 years younger than he is.  

Got it?  Good!

I lay the ground work as it will serve as an important idea I am going to try to develop this week regarding life in general.  My friend and his ex-wife raised three kids, all of whom are college educated and functioning, contributing members of society.  

The girlfriend has three adult kids as well, but those kids are younger in comparison to those raised by my friend, coming in around 20, 22 & 24 - give or take a year or two on each.  These three kids life paths have been quite different from those taken by my friends kids.  Although as a result of a teenage pregnancy the middle child was forced into being an adult, the oldest and youngest still have not transitioned into adulthood yet.

I bring you one more nugget of information to more fully develop the backstory - the girlfriend is comes from a family that is third or fourth generation, dependent.  In other words, the lineage is such that the family as a whole depends on the government to survive.  Call it what you will, food stamps, subsidized rent, hand outs, tax breaks.

Now let me be very clear here.  I am not in any way, shape or form attempting to make a social or political statement with what I am sharing here, for me, the lesson comes from the choices each individual makes that can effect the outcomes of their own lives. 

Recently, the youngest of the three kids rejoined my friend and his girlfriend, the kids mother.  He had had an extended stay at his birth fathers house, and after battling drug addictions and other issues, he decided to move to his mothers verbally stating he wanted to start life over and have a redo.

Starting over and having a redo is hard.  I do not want to suggest it is easy at all.  Making the fundamental changes necessary in life to course correct and determine a different outcome is extremely difficult.  But hear me out, it is extremely difficult, but not impossible. 

My friend asked me if I would meet with this young man, and I agreed.  During out time together he spoke a big game, talked about all the things he wanted to accomplish, and to his credit he had a “take the world by the horns” attitude necessary to start the path towards success.

During our time together I gave him a very simple assignment, one that would only take a few moments, but within the assignment it would require some really hard self reflection and adjustment.  I told him that I was all for him seeking to change his world and his outcome, but that the change could only start with him, emphasizing that the only thing he could change is himself and therefore despite all the distractions and complications of life, he was going to be the one that needed to change.

Sadly, as of today, the simple assignment given to him by me has remained uncompleted.  I have seen him a couple of times since our first meeting, and my friend keeps me in the loop as to the lack of progress with this young man.  The sad truth is, he is more content to blame his circumstances on everyone else, than he is willing to own the circumstances and start taking the difficult steps towards change.

Here is where I am at with this process.  The reality is, we all have circumstances that affect the outcome of our lives.  Perhaps yours are not as tragic as this young mans are, perhaps they are worse.  The question I always like to see asked and answered is simply this, what are you doing to make the changes necessary to achieve the outcomes in life you want to achieve.  

Yes, it sucks that this kid had the deck stacked against him from the day he was born given the circumstances he was born into .  It sucks.  I’m not going to argue that point for even a minute.  But here is what I know, he can, if was chooses too, make changes necessary to confront those challenges and set himself up for success in this life.  

NO ONE ELSE CAN DO IT FOR HIM - and guess what, no one else can do if for you either.

You and you alone hold the keys to your life’s journey in the palm of your hands.  You and you alone can either choose to make the past events of your life the reason why you fail, or the reason you succeed.

And guess what, you have the ability to start that change TODAY.

If you make that choice.

So the challenge is really simple this week.  If you are stuck in a place using the events that have occurred to you in the past as the reason you are the way you are today.  STOP IT, and start making change that will positively affect the outcome of the rest of your life.  Just because you started behind does not mean you cannot finish strong.

Make today the day you stop making excuses and start making decisions that will positively affect the rest of your life.

The journey will not be easy and the steps you need to take will probably be hard, but I can promise you this, the outcome you will achieve will be worth it.  

When I get to the end of my days, I want to reflect back and say with confidence that I lived my life to its fullest, that I gave it my all, and that I did the best job possible for me, the ones I love, the ones I am fortunate enough to do life with.  

I believe with all my heart and soul that failure is a choice, but it is not a choice I accept, and it is not a choice that I will allow to hold me down.  I feel bad for that young man, but in the end, I know the only person who can make that change is him, and right now, he has chosen to fail.

How about you???

*****

Personal Success Coach is pleased to offer coaching packages starting at $299 per month.  Each session is intentional and deliberately designed with you in mind to address the issues important to you taking you from where you are in life to where you want to be.

You Can't Spell "TEAM" Without "M E"

Are you a team player?  It’s a question that is thrown around far too easily, the phrase appears on resumes and LinkedIn profiles at such a prolific rate, I’m not sure most people actually stop and think about the implications of truly being a team player.  

And then there is the old cliche, “There is no “I” in team”, and fun little nugget that for the most part is fundamentally wrong.  While there is no “I” in the word team, the fact is you can’t spell team without including ME - or you.  

So let’s start this over, and really ask the question, are you a team player?  

I was talking with a friend of mine who is part of a team at work whose focus is developing new processes to deal with a specific issue involving employees.  I can’t get into the details as to the project, but you don’t need to know them to get a handle on the bigger issue.

The team consists of two people.  My friend and one other.  The issue revolves around the fact that the one other isn’t making an active effort to contribute to the team to accomplish the goals that were set out for the team to accomplish.  The team itself is seeking to solve a real issue within the company, but at this moment in time only one of the two members of the team are actively engaged in the process of finding solutions.

And frustration is building as this project is just one of many my friend is tasked with working on, and the need to devote a disproportional amount of time to pick up the slack left by the other team mate opens up the potential the my friends participation on the other projects will suffer.

In considering this topic, there are several key ideas that I think we all can learn from this week and apply to our own lives and the interactions we have with those we come into contact with.

#1. If you are part of a team, it is important for the “ME” to shine, contributing as much as possible to see that the stated goals of the team are accomplished.

#2. Failing to bring yourself fully to the team means others on the team will have to pick up the slack you are creating.  You don’t want those other team members going home at night complaining about your lack of contribution.

#3. If you lack direction or knowledge within your role on the team, ASK for help and guidance.  I promise you others will be glad to help you succeed because their success is hinged on your success and vice versa.

#4. If you are leading a team, set expectations.  If you are a member of the team, ask what expectations are expected from you.  And return to those expectations often, as they often develop and change over time.

Think of your participation on a team from a very second grade school yard kind of perspective.  Just like kids being chosen for a kickball or dodgeball team, those who excel always get chosen before those who don’t.  Now granted, maybe you like myself weren’t the most athletic of kids, but as an adult it is not uncommon for me to be asked to join a team as those asking know that if I join the team, the team will get all of ME meaning the team as a whole has a much high likelihood of success.

When you give your all, the full ME to the team, you set yourself apart and make yourself more valuable to not only that team, but the company or organization itself.

So the challenge this week is to make sure that you always, always, always, bring the full ME to the TEAM you are on.

*****

Personal Success Coach is pleased to offer coaching packages starting at $299 per month.  Each session is intentional and deliberately designed with you in mind to address the issues important to you taking you from where you are in life to where you want to be.