Don't Live Life Looking Backwards

In the past few years, both my sister along with two of my wife's sisters have lost their husbands at a much too early age.  Although the circumstances between each is different, for some unknown reason I was thinking about the ways each has dealt with the loss, and from that a lesson we all can learn from emerged.

What this weeks Monday Morning Minute is not, is a suggestion of how a person can deal with their loss.  I am taking some artistic license here and using the loss of a loved one or husband as the catalyst to start a train of thought, in this case using  the loss as a picture and illustration.

Here is the thing I know, we have all faced loss, and not just the loss of a loved one.  We have lost at home, we have lost at work or school, we have loss when it comes to the things we set out to do.  The lesson I think exists here is what those next steps look like, and how we deal with them.

When my sister lost her husband a few years ago, she was an absolute wreck.  Our hearts broke as she went through the grieving process, in her case, it involved using reference material that told her what she should be feeling at various weeks past the initial loss.  

In one hard conversation she commented that she did not know how she would be able to move on.  I remember during that conversation making the comment to her, that her husband would not want her to stop living, and that the best way she could honor his memory is in being the best you, she could possibly be.

I think that notion extends to many other aspects of life.  All of us have faced failure or setback in life.  My question to you is this, how did you deal with it.

Did you fold up, give up, gather up, and head home, tail between your legs.  Or did you embrace what was learned and face that challenge again another day?

Did you use that failure as the reason why the next time you tried something, you were better situated to succeed at what you set out to accomplish?

Did you vow to never do the things you did that caused the hurt, and find a way to not only learn from it, but apply it to future endeavors?

If we as humans allow the past to define us, we miss out on all the future holds for us.  If, instead of looking forward each and everyday to a bright new future, we spend the days looking over our shoulder at what once was, there is a whole lot of life we will end up missing out on.

Here is what really brought this full circle for me.  Imagine if you will, a time in the not so distant future, where you find yourself reunited again with that lost loved one, or the failure that so succinctly kicked your butt.  What would you report back at that time as to what was done to accomplish great things.

Perhaps I am being flippant or insensitive to those who have lost loved ones, but the truth is, I think I am being quite the opposite.  The greatest way you honor past experience is succeeding at future experiences, and constantly looking over your shoulder at a past that gets further and further away every waking minute means you will miss out on your next chapter.

If this lesson does not apply to you, I am sorry.  But for me, the greatest honor I can give or do to that which defined me in the past is to simply succeed at what I have in front of me.  And not just succeed, but succeed in a brilliant way that exceeds your wildest expectations.

*****

Personal Success Coach is pleased to offer coaching packages starting at $299 per month.  Each session is intentional and deliberately designed with you in mind to address the issues important to you taking you from where you are in life to where you want to be.

It’s Ok To Be Behind - Make A Point To Catch Up

If you are reading this in real time, you, like the rest of the world know, that last night was the Super Bowl.  Seeing as our family is not a big sports family, the games leading up to the big game typically are not part of our normal viewing repertoire, but as a family we typically make a point to watch the Super Bowl, if only for the commercials.

This year we were invited to some friends house along with another couple, and we along with the kids watched the game running commentary on not just the game, but the commercials as well.    

Although there are many who will attempt to analyze the game failing to recognize the high level of skill and talent the players, coaches and other staff have in reaching that level of success, I thought it important to focus on what I think is a takeaway we all can learn from and challenge ourselves with.

At halftime, both teams left the field with one leading the other on the scoreboard.  Based on first half play, it was obvious the losing team was struggling to get their game sorted out as the other team dominated.  

Obviously I, along with all of you, where not in the locker rooms during halftime, but I am pretty confident the following two conversations took place.  For the team leading at the half, the discussion centered around keeping up what was being done, and not let your guard down and become overconfident in what had already occurred.

For me, the conversation that took place in the other locker room though it what I want to focus on for a minute here.  No one wants to be losing, certainly not in the biggest game of the year.  But here is a fact, it is not uncommon to find yourself in a situation, be it at work, life, or with family, where you feel like you are behind and others are winning where you struggle.

May I ask you a question?  

What did you do at those times to make corrections to your plan so that you eventually came out ahead?

Within the context of sports, the coach on the team behind at the half most likely spoke to the team suggesting that each player reflect on the actions, plays, and movements made during the prior half, and seek ways to change their own response so that their individual play could effect positive change on the team as a whole.

We all know the team leading at the half did not exit the locker room intending to lose, their goal was to keep hold of and maintain the strides already made and add to it.  Life has a funny way of moving the expected outcome and surprising everyone though.  

Coming from behind and winning at that which you have set out to do is always great thing.  Sometimes being behind is enough of a motivator to help you pull ahead.  

This week, the challenge is simple.  Identify an area of your life that you feel like you are not currently winning at, and start laying out some plans to change that outcome.  Here is what I know for sure.  Just like the team that was behind at the half, they emerged from the locker room with a plan to win.  While I know you won’t always win at everything, when you choose to tackle that item you will make strides that has you coming out ahead in the end, even if you do not ultimately win.  Speaking from experience, I know that those strides will impact your life for the positive and make you, a better you.

So go ahead, the pep talk is over, halftime has concluded.  Get back out there on the field and start your journey to win.

*****

Personal Success Coach is pleased to offer coaching packages starting at $299 per month.  Each session is intentional and deliberately designed with you in mind to address the issues important to you taking you from where you are in life to where you want to be.

Don't Manage - Lead

Allow me to poise a question I think deserves answering.  Have you ever been around, or perhaps worked with or for someone who by job title may be a manager, but in action is in reality both a terrible manager, and certainly not a leader?  

This is an interesting topic for me, if you, like me, enjoy watching The Office on Netflix, you probably shake your head quite a bit at the antics of Micheal Scott.  As regional manager, he has certainly embraced the idea of authority, and yet within the scope of his world, he lacks any semblance of leadership quality.  I think what makes that show so engaging is the fact that despite how many times I have seen an episode, it is not uncommon to see something new that I have missed on previous viewings.

Arguing that art imitates life, might I suggest we have all known a Michael Scott within the circle we live, and might I also suggest the outcome is pretty much the same each and every time.  

Here is the thing we all know, there is a fundamental difference between a manger and a leader.

Taking that idea a step further, a leader typically makes a great manager, but a manager does not always equal a great leader.  

This past week I witnessed first hand some really bad leadership.  I cannot get into too many specifics because the person I witnessed is a frequent reader of mine, and it is never my intent to publicly call out someone, but what I can tell you is what I saw in and of itself could potentially make up an entire season of The Office.  

Managers manage, in theory.  Seems self-explanatory, heck, the word manage makes up over 90% of the word manager.  And yet, it comes as no surprise to anyone that there are some truly awful managers who have no business being in that role.  Some may be promoted, some may be in the role simply because they own the company they manager.  Some may have been born into it, nepotism is that description.  

After observing this train wreck last week, I am more determined than ever to never be a manager again, instead focusing on being a leader.  A leader is someone who inspires.  A leader is someone who can paint a picture of what could be, and have those who are part of the journey buy-in fully to accomplish the vision.  A leader is someone who can take a team and achieve the impossible.

Consider this.  A soldier is led into combat, not managed into combat.  

This week the challenge is simple.  If you are currently in a role that requires you to manage or lead people.  Be intentional about leading versus managing.  If you are currently in a role that finds you managing more than leading, might I suggest you change your management style and adopt a leadership focused approach.

History tells us that great leaders are remembered and learned from.  History does not tell too many stories about managers.

I do not know about you, but I choose to lead, not manage.  This week, I hope you choose to do the same.

*****

Personal Success Coach is pleased to offer coaching packages starting at $299 per month.  Each session is intentional and deliberately designed with you in mind to address the issues important to you taking you from where you are in life to where you want to be.

Coloring Outside The Lines

Have you ever heard someone tell you that they like to color outside the lines?  It is an interesting word picture, and personally speaking as someone who always hated coloring in general, staying within the lines always seemed boring to me.  Of course, as an adult, I spend no time coloring, but in recent years there has been a renaissance of sorts with multiple adult coloring markets coming to market to rekindle that creative spark of a child past.

During the past few weeks I have heard several different people use the line, ‘color outside the lines’, and although each time I heard it the context had some similarities, the reasons given for, ‘coloring outside the lines’ was drastically different, but challenging.

What does it mean to color outside the lines?  In the simplest sense, it is a cliched way to suggest either breaking the rules, or expressing creativity, or being non-conforming in a particular area of life.  In the grand scheme of things, I really do not think any of those things are bad in and of themselves, but I also think that a value can emerge if the action is done effectively and with intention.

Some of my biggest breakthroughs have come as a result of challenging a convention or prior protocol.  The phrase, we do it that way because that is how we have always done it, in my opinion, is toxic both to the individual as well as the organization.  It is within those times that finding a new way to do things is not only needed, but necessary.  

Granted, it does not always have to be ground shaking change, but having the tenacity to suggest new methods to the process not only invites innovation, often times it will serve as a catalyst for change with others as well.

I remember years ago Hewlett-Packard ran a series of commercials that ended with the tagline, “What if?”  The idea is so simple, and yet so profound, that even to this day, the notion resonates with me and serves as a de facto question within multiple roles that I find myself in.

What if we can do things differently?

What if we try that process another way?

What if we identify ways to make things more efficient?

The “what if” question lends itself to so many different areas of life, but more than that, in asking the question you yourself start to color outside the lines.  Offering up a challenge that leads to positive change is always a good thing, and often times that change will impact the lives of those who fall under the changes made.

I don’t know about you, but I see that as a good thing.  Perhaps coloring outside the lines serves a purpose other than being a fancy catch phrase tossed around when bantering with others in the office.

Regardless of what you call it, creating opportunities for change is something I am always on the lookout for.  The challenge this week is to find ways to effect change within your sphere of influence.  Maybe someday others will refer to you as a person who colors outside the lines.

*****

Personal Success Coach is pleased to offer coaching packages starting at $299 per month.  Each session is intentional and deliberately designed with you in mind to address the issues important to you taking you from where you are in life to where you want to be.

Have The Best Day

Maybe it is because I was afforded an opportunity to take a few days off simply to relax and recharge, that I now find myself with a new sense of urgency and desire to accomplish even greater things than I thought possible.  Rest has a peculiar way of offering that to those who choose to adopt the model, and although finding the time to truly rest and recharge gets harder and harder the busier one gets, being intentional about finding that time pays dividends in all aspects of life.

One of the big takeaways I discovered during my down time, was the idea of tackling everyday and truly making it a ‘best day’.  The idea is not my own, rather a pull quote from an interview of someone on some channel I happened to have landed on during the aforementioned rest period.  I really liked the way it was presented however, and immediately knew it was something that needed to be shared with you.

Years ago, long before kids, my wife and I resided in California.  At the time, we attended a church that was experiencing a season of growth and change as it merged with another church, and with that merge, systems, procedures, staff, and all the other logistical items that go into a merger was on full display for the congregation to view as the process initiated and ultimately completed.

The new pastor who took over during that change would routinely discuss his morning habits, offering insight in to how his day-to-day was began.  He told those who would listen, that his day began in prayer, certainly not a bad start to anyones day, and certainly something that if you are not doing, I would encourage you to start at once.  But more than that, he stated that as part of that daily process, he would recite the following, “This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice, and be glad in it.”  Of course, for those of you who have been in the church environment for more than a few minutes, might recognize that as a Psalm, Psalm 118:24 to be exact.

I love that messaging though, it is extremely powerful, and a springboard that can be used to set up a truly ‘best day’ experience.  The strength of the statement comes from, first and foremost, acknowledging that we, you, me, had nothing to do with the fact that we are fortunate enough to wake up and get to live life for another day.  It addresses the fact that God, and God alone made that decision.

Taking that idea a step further, once we recognize that we had nothing to do with getting to have another day, the proclamation states that, “I will rejoice, I will be glad in it.”  Hey, you woke up, you get another chance, be happy about it, embrace it, own it, make it the best day you can possible make it.

Here is what I know.  No matter how bad yesterday was, today is a day that can be better than the last.  Think about that for a minute.  No matter what terrible thing may have occurred, no matter what bad circumstance you may have found yourself in, no matter what hurdle you may have thought was standing in the way - today is new, and you are afforded the opportunity to tackle it afresh and anew.  

I do not know about you, but for me that is some pretty powerful stuff that should not be taken lightly.  In fact, if that does not give you hope and encouragement, perhaps there is something wrong with you.  

Perhaps you are on the flip side of that equation, fortunate to not currently facing any monumental challenges, life is good right now.  First off, great.  I celebrate life with you and am pleased that you currently find yourself in a good place and enjoying what is going on within your life.  Stop, give thanks, rejoice in the fact that you get another chance at creating a ‘best day’.  

Being intentional about creating opportunity for each and everyday to be lived as a ‘best day’ positions you to not only enhance your own life, but the lives of those around you within your sphere of influence.  In other words, tackling life in this manner has exponential effects on others, and your desire to make each day a ‘best day’ spills over into the lives of others creating a better world for all.

So here is the challenge this week and beyond.  Make each day a best day.  It sounds simple, and truth be told, it really is, but if it seems hard or impossible given the life events you currently find yourself a part of, take a minutes and simply repeat the Psalm my pastor in California recites everyday.

“This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice, and be glad in it.” Psalm 118:24

Knowing that the words you speak have power, I promise you in speaking those words you will truly begin the process of making everyday you are fortunate enough to have left a best day that you and those around you will enjoy.

*****

Personal Success Coach is pleased to offer coaching packages starting at $299 per month.  Each session is intentional and deliberately designed with you in mind to address the issues important to you taking you from where you are in life to where you want to be.

We All Will Be Forgotten Soon Enough

A couple of weeks ago I turned on the television to catch a news segment that had Supreme Court Justice Neil Gorsuch as the featured guest.  Seeing as justices on the Supreme Court are not routine commentators in the daily news cycle, I watched with great interest as the interviewer ran through a gamut of topics, but there was one statement made that really struck me, and even though I was sitting in traffic, and in the state where I live using a cell phone is against the law, I quickly grabbed my phone and sent my self a quick e-mail to remind me of what was said with the intent to expand on the idea here.

Fast forward a couple of weeks, that time to expand has arrived, and this week I want to jump into the idea presented and see if I can’t develop it a bit further and draw out application that we can use in our own lives.

Justice Gorsuch introduced the idea that, we all will be forgotten soon enough.  I think what most impacted me about that statement was the person delivering it.  Whether you are aware of it or not, but being appointed to the Supreme Court is not only a unique and rare opportunity, but one that comes with a lifetime appointment.  As such, much like the presidency or other high positions, there simply are not that many people across a long spectrum of time, who ever achieve that status, and as such remembering those folks really is not that difficult.

However, he suggests that we all will be forgotten soon enough.  The wisdom in that statement is profound, and in almost all cases factual.  We all have known people who have passed on, and yet how often are those people brought back up in conversation?  I know for me personally, despite the numerous folks I have known who are no longer here, with the exception of one, I really do not reflect back on those folks.  As a side note, I have taken to adding their date of passing in my phone, refusing to delete their info, so that from time to time when scrolling my contacts, I see their names and are reminded, at least for a brief moment, of them and their role in my life.

But let’s circle back to the idea at hand though.  Would it be wrong of me to suggest, that if we all will be forgotten soon enough, that we spend out time that we have doing things that will work to prolong that legacy?

As I pondered this subject, I routinely went back to my own phone, and the list of those whom I had known who are no longer here.  It really did not take long to realize a trend.  The one person on that list who routinely comes up in conversation, is in fact a person whose legacy affected not only my own life, but the lives of many.  The fact is, in the case of that person, his time spent living was done in such a way as to truly impact those he did life with.  In passing, those who knew him realized a tremendous loss that extended far beyond the typical grief and pain felt when one loses someone they care about.

I don’t know about you, but for me that is a pretty powerful thought, but one that I want to embrace and apply to my own life.  Are the things I’m doing with the ones I’m doing life with making an impact that will be felt long after I’m gone from this earth?  Am I living my life for me, or am I living my life in such a way as to speak into the lives of others investing into those people so as to make their lives better as well.

In other words, am I living for me, or am I living in such a way as to leave a legacy that lasts far beyond my time here on earth.

I will be honest, I do not know the answer to that question.  I would like to think the answer is, “Yes”, but the truth is, I really do not know, and I probably will not know as that question will not get fully answered until a time long after I am no longer here.

I think the challenge, at least for me, is pretty clear.  I need to make sure that the time I have here on earth is spent making the lives of those I do life with, better.  Is that a challenge you might be up to as well?  

My objective is to find ways to speak into the lives of others, whether that is an investment of time, talent or something else, embracing those opportunities I firmly believe will help make the world I live in better, and I trust in doing so will make the lives I am fortunate enough to touch better as well.

Does that mean I’ll be remembered when I am gone?  I really do not know.  But until I am gone, I will be intentional about making choices that seek to accomplish that goal.  I do not for a second think the goal is easy, but then again nothing in life worth doing is easy.

And who knows, maybe the time it takes to forget me will take longer than others, and the lives I impact in turn choose to impact lives that they come into contact with.

Seems simple enough, doesn’t it?

*****

Personal Success Coach is pleased to offer coaching packages starting at $299 per month.  Each session is intentional and deliberately designed with you in mind to address the issues important to you taking you from where you are in life to where you want to be.

Resolution Requires Change

Can we get honest with each other for a few minutes?  I really like this time of year.  Not the cold weather, but the wind down of one year and the ramp up to another.  Christmas is behind us, New Years is upon us, and with that a season of reflecting back on what was, and seeking to establish new routines for what will be.

I always find it laughable when one banters on about resolutions they are making.  Sadly, it normally does not take more than a few days to have those resolutions pushed off into next year, a seeming abyss that in reality gets further and further away, the older one gets.

The best laid plans often lead to nothing absent a plan to make them work.  New Years resolutions are great ideas that rarely turn into change, and I for one think that is a shame.

The dictionary defines the root word of resolution, resolute, as follows:

Resolute - adjective - admirably purposeful, determined, and unwavering

I like the sound of those words, if you failed to recognize it, those my friend are powerbroker words.  Admirable, purposeful, determined, unwavering.  

I don’t know about you, but those are words I want others to use when describing me.

But can I rock your world and thought process for a moment and suggest something.  In most cases, those probably are not the words used to describe you, are they?

Here is the thing. Resolution requires change.  Change is hard.  Complacency is always the easier path.  And before you know it, this new year will be over and you will be right back where you started.

Good ideas coupled with great intention that fails to garner results.

Might I be so bold as to suggest an alternative this year?  What would it take for you to actually make a resolution, and commit to it fully and see it to fruition so that it becomes a new normal in your life.

The experts suggest that new things take 2-3 weeks to become new habits.  In other words, if your resolution this year is to join (or return) to the gym, it will take 2-3 weeks of you being intentional about that for it to become a new normal.  If that resolution is giving up something, perhaps smoking or unhealthy food, it will take 2-3 weeks of not consuming those items for that new norm to develop.

Remember, I told you ahead of time that change is hard.  Real, life changing, course correcting change requires sacrifice and a commitment to establish a new normal that will in turn define the life you want to live.

I get it, it is not a lot of fun, and initially it will not be easy.  But if I know anything I know this, nothing in life worth doing is ever going to be easy.  And if you suck it up and recognize that it will take several weeks for these new habits to develop, you have everything to gain and nothing to lose.

So the challenge this week is really quite simple.  Rather than a flippant remark about what you are resolving to do in the upcoming new year, why not spend some time challenging yourself with the things you’d really like to see accomplished, and set some goals that see you living your life to its fullest not only in this upcoming year, but for years to come.

I promise you that the reward far outweighs the sacrifice, and to me, that sure does seem like a good resolution.

*****

Personal Success Coach is pleased to offer coaching packages starting at $299 per month.  Each session is intentional and deliberately designed with you in mind to address the issues important to you taking you from where you are in life to where you want to be.

Success Is More Fun Shared

Have you ever made it to the top?  Perhaps you are not sure of what I am referring to.  Have you ever made it to the top, the pinnacle of success, the peak of perhaps a career, or a life long accomplishment.  Those are the sort of ‘tops’ I am referring to.  So let me pose the question again, have you ever made it there?

Humor me, and allow me to ask another question.  When you got to the top, did you feel alone or were you surrounded by those who helped achieve that success that you now celebrate?

For me, it is a timely topic.  I recently had the opportunity to be a part of celebrating a friends success.  I, along with hundreds of other people all played a small role in their success, but in seeing them achieve that goal I can’t help but be proud to have been allowed to be a part of the process.

Success is awesome, and it is something we all seek.  Success alone however is hollow and lacks the substance that success shared with others brings.  The fact is, very rarely will a person achieve success all by themselves.  It is inevitable that many people played roles that allowed you to accomplish the things you want to accomplish.

I for one have been on both sides of that equation.  I have been fortunate to celebrate success with those who helped me achieve my goals, but likewise I have been involved as others sought the success desired for their life.

The amazing thing is both circumstances offer such fulfillment in life.  As I left the event that celebrated my friends success, I was honestly filled with pride and a true sense of accomplishment knowing that my bit role was important to the much larger picture.

Inversely, reflecting back I know that my successes in life would not have come were it not for the sacrifice and support of others invested in me and the vision outlined.  

As humans, we were not designed to do life alone.  Life is much better in community, and success simply comes as a byproduct of that community.  Are you connected in community?  Perhaps the better question might be, are you connected in community and working towards a common goal that will see you or others achieve success?

The challenge is really quite simple.  If you are the one seeking success in an area of life, embrace those that are there to support you.  And when you accomplish that item, recognize those that helped and share your joy with them.

Likewise, if you are part of someone else’s journey, embrace that time and put your all into it.  Be the person they need you to be, and do not be afraid to celebrate with them when they accomplish the item set out to be conquered.

I promise you, when you tackle life in that manner, life will reward you and truly make your life lived fuller and more complete.  And in the end, that helps to define success, no matter where you are at in your life right now.

*****

Personal Success Coach is pleased to offer coaching packages starting at $299 per month.  Each session is intentional and deliberately designed with you in mind to address the issues important to you taking you from where you are in life to where you want to be.