Don't Live Life Looking Backwards

In the past few years, both my sister along with two of my wife's sisters have lost their husbands at a much too early age.  Although the circumstances between each is different, for some unknown reason I was thinking about the ways each has dealt with the loss, and from that a lesson we all can learn from emerged.

What this weeks Monday Morning Minute is not, is a suggestion of how a person can deal with their loss.  I am taking some artistic license here and using the loss of a loved one or husband as the catalyst to start a train of thought, in this case using  the loss as a picture and illustration.

Here is the thing I know, we have all faced loss, and not just the loss of a loved one.  We have lost at home, we have lost at work or school, we have loss when it comes to the things we set out to do.  The lesson I think exists here is what those next steps look like, and how we deal with them.

When my sister lost her husband a few years ago, she was an absolute wreck.  Our hearts broke as she went through the grieving process, in her case, it involved using reference material that told her what she should be feeling at various weeks past the initial loss.  

In one hard conversation she commented that she did not know how she would be able to move on.  I remember during that conversation making the comment to her, that her husband would not want her to stop living, and that the best way she could honor his memory is in being the best you, she could possibly be.

I think that notion extends to many other aspects of life.  All of us have faced failure or setback in life.  My question to you is this, how did you deal with it.

Did you fold up, give up, gather up, and head home, tail between your legs.  Or did you embrace what was learned and face that challenge again another day?

Did you use that failure as the reason why the next time you tried something, you were better situated to succeed at what you set out to accomplish?

Did you vow to never do the things you did that caused the hurt, and find a way to not only learn from it, but apply it to future endeavors?

If we as humans allow the past to define us, we miss out on all the future holds for us.  If, instead of looking forward each and everyday to a bright new future, we spend the days looking over our shoulder at what once was, there is a whole lot of life we will end up missing out on.

Here is what really brought this full circle for me.  Imagine if you will, a time in the not so distant future, where you find yourself reunited again with that lost loved one, or the failure that so succinctly kicked your butt.  What would you report back at that time as to what was done to accomplish great things.

Perhaps I am being flippant or insensitive to those who have lost loved ones, but the truth is, I think I am being quite the opposite.  The greatest way you honor past experience is succeeding at future experiences, and constantly looking over your shoulder at a past that gets further and further away every waking minute means you will miss out on your next chapter.

If this lesson does not apply to you, I am sorry.  But for me, the greatest honor I can give or do to that which defined me in the past is to simply succeed at what I have in front of me.  And not just succeed, but succeed in a brilliant way that exceeds your wildest expectations.

*****

Personal Success Coach is pleased to offer coaching packages starting at $299 per month.  Each session is intentional and deliberately designed with you in mind to address the issues important to you taking you from where you are in life to where you want to be.

It’s Ok To Be Behind - Make A Point To Catch Up

If you are reading this in real time, you, like the rest of the world know, that last night was the Super Bowl.  Seeing as our family is not a big sports family, the games leading up to the big game typically are not part of our normal viewing repertoire, but as a family we typically make a point to watch the Super Bowl, if only for the commercials.

This year we were invited to some friends house along with another couple, and we along with the kids watched the game running commentary on not just the game, but the commercials as well.    

Although there are many who will attempt to analyze the game failing to recognize the high level of skill and talent the players, coaches and other staff have in reaching that level of success, I thought it important to focus on what I think is a takeaway we all can learn from and challenge ourselves with.

At halftime, both teams left the field with one leading the other on the scoreboard.  Based on first half play, it was obvious the losing team was struggling to get their game sorted out as the other team dominated.  

Obviously I, along with all of you, where not in the locker rooms during halftime, but I am pretty confident the following two conversations took place.  For the team leading at the half, the discussion centered around keeping up what was being done, and not let your guard down and become overconfident in what had already occurred.

For me, the conversation that took place in the other locker room though it what I want to focus on for a minute here.  No one wants to be losing, certainly not in the biggest game of the year.  But here is a fact, it is not uncommon to find yourself in a situation, be it at work, life, or with family, where you feel like you are behind and others are winning where you struggle.

May I ask you a question?  

What did you do at those times to make corrections to your plan so that you eventually came out ahead?

Within the context of sports, the coach on the team behind at the half most likely spoke to the team suggesting that each player reflect on the actions, plays, and movements made during the prior half, and seek ways to change their own response so that their individual play could effect positive change on the team as a whole.

We all know the team leading at the half did not exit the locker room intending to lose, their goal was to keep hold of and maintain the strides already made and add to it.  Life has a funny way of moving the expected outcome and surprising everyone though.  

Coming from behind and winning at that which you have set out to do is always great thing.  Sometimes being behind is enough of a motivator to help you pull ahead.  

This week, the challenge is simple.  Identify an area of your life that you feel like you are not currently winning at, and start laying out some plans to change that outcome.  Here is what I know for sure.  Just like the team that was behind at the half, they emerged from the locker room with a plan to win.  While I know you won’t always win at everything, when you choose to tackle that item you will make strides that has you coming out ahead in the end, even if you do not ultimately win.  Speaking from experience, I know that those strides will impact your life for the positive and make you, a better you.

So go ahead, the pep talk is over, halftime has concluded.  Get back out there on the field and start your journey to win.

*****

Personal Success Coach is pleased to offer coaching packages starting at $299 per month.  Each session is intentional and deliberately designed with you in mind to address the issues important to you taking you from where you are in life to where you want to be.

Don't Manage - Lead

Allow me to poise a question I think deserves answering.  Have you ever been around, or perhaps worked with or for someone who by job title may be a manager, but in action is in reality both a terrible manager, and certainly not a leader?  

This is an interesting topic for me, if you, like me, enjoy watching The Office on Netflix, you probably shake your head quite a bit at the antics of Micheal Scott.  As regional manager, he has certainly embraced the idea of authority, and yet within the scope of his world, he lacks any semblance of leadership quality.  I think what makes that show so engaging is the fact that despite how many times I have seen an episode, it is not uncommon to see something new that I have missed on previous viewings.

Arguing that art imitates life, might I suggest we have all known a Michael Scott within the circle we live, and might I also suggest the outcome is pretty much the same each and every time.  

Here is the thing we all know, there is a fundamental difference between a manger and a leader.

Taking that idea a step further, a leader typically makes a great manager, but a manager does not always equal a great leader.  

This past week I witnessed first hand some really bad leadership.  I cannot get into too many specifics because the person I witnessed is a frequent reader of mine, and it is never my intent to publicly call out someone, but what I can tell you is what I saw in and of itself could potentially make up an entire season of The Office.  

Managers manage, in theory.  Seems self-explanatory, heck, the word manage makes up over 90% of the word manager.  And yet, it comes as no surprise to anyone that there are some truly awful managers who have no business being in that role.  Some may be promoted, some may be in the role simply because they own the company they manager.  Some may have been born into it, nepotism is that description.  

After observing this train wreck last week, I am more determined than ever to never be a manager again, instead focusing on being a leader.  A leader is someone who inspires.  A leader is someone who can paint a picture of what could be, and have those who are part of the journey buy-in fully to accomplish the vision.  A leader is someone who can take a team and achieve the impossible.

Consider this.  A soldier is led into combat, not managed into combat.  

This week the challenge is simple.  If you are currently in a role that requires you to manage or lead people.  Be intentional about leading versus managing.  If you are currently in a role that finds you managing more than leading, might I suggest you change your management style and adopt a leadership focused approach.

History tells us that great leaders are remembered and learned from.  History does not tell too many stories about managers.

I do not know about you, but I choose to lead, not manage.  This week, I hope you choose to do the same.

*****

Personal Success Coach is pleased to offer coaching packages starting at $299 per month.  Each session is intentional and deliberately designed with you in mind to address the issues important to you taking you from where you are in life to where you want to be.

We All Will Be Forgotten Soon Enough

A couple of weeks ago I turned on the television to catch a news segment that had Supreme Court Justice Neil Gorsuch as the featured guest.  Seeing as justices on the Supreme Court are not routine commentators in the daily news cycle, I watched with great interest as the interviewer ran through a gamut of topics, but there was one statement made that really struck me, and even though I was sitting in traffic, and in the state where I live using a cell phone is against the law, I quickly grabbed my phone and sent my self a quick e-mail to remind me of what was said with the intent to expand on the idea here.

Fast forward a couple of weeks, that time to expand has arrived, and this week I want to jump into the idea presented and see if I can’t develop it a bit further and draw out application that we can use in our own lives.

Justice Gorsuch introduced the idea that, we all will be forgotten soon enough.  I think what most impacted me about that statement was the person delivering it.  Whether you are aware of it or not, but being appointed to the Supreme Court is not only a unique and rare opportunity, but one that comes with a lifetime appointment.  As such, much like the presidency or other high positions, there simply are not that many people across a long spectrum of time, who ever achieve that status, and as such remembering those folks really is not that difficult.

However, he suggests that we all will be forgotten soon enough.  The wisdom in that statement is profound, and in almost all cases factual.  We all have known people who have passed on, and yet how often are those people brought back up in conversation?  I know for me personally, despite the numerous folks I have known who are no longer here, with the exception of one, I really do not reflect back on those folks.  As a side note, I have taken to adding their date of passing in my phone, refusing to delete their info, so that from time to time when scrolling my contacts, I see their names and are reminded, at least for a brief moment, of them and their role in my life.

But let’s circle back to the idea at hand though.  Would it be wrong of me to suggest, that if we all will be forgotten soon enough, that we spend out time that we have doing things that will work to prolong that legacy?

As I pondered this subject, I routinely went back to my own phone, and the list of those whom I had known who are no longer here.  It really did not take long to realize a trend.  The one person on that list who routinely comes up in conversation, is in fact a person whose legacy affected not only my own life, but the lives of many.  The fact is, in the case of that person, his time spent living was done in such a way as to truly impact those he did life with.  In passing, those who knew him realized a tremendous loss that extended far beyond the typical grief and pain felt when one loses someone they care about.

I don’t know about you, but for me that is a pretty powerful thought, but one that I want to embrace and apply to my own life.  Are the things I’m doing with the ones I’m doing life with making an impact that will be felt long after I’m gone from this earth?  Am I living my life for me, or am I living my life in such a way as to speak into the lives of others investing into those people so as to make their lives better as well.

In other words, am I living for me, or am I living in such a way as to leave a legacy that lasts far beyond my time here on earth.

I will be honest, I do not know the answer to that question.  I would like to think the answer is, “Yes”, but the truth is, I really do not know, and I probably will not know as that question will not get fully answered until a time long after I am no longer here.

I think the challenge, at least for me, is pretty clear.  I need to make sure that the time I have here on earth is spent making the lives of those I do life with, better.  Is that a challenge you might be up to as well?  

My objective is to find ways to speak into the lives of others, whether that is an investment of time, talent or something else, embracing those opportunities I firmly believe will help make the world I live in better, and I trust in doing so will make the lives I am fortunate enough to touch better as well.

Does that mean I’ll be remembered when I am gone?  I really do not know.  But until I am gone, I will be intentional about making choices that seek to accomplish that goal.  I do not for a second think the goal is easy, but then again nothing in life worth doing is easy.

And who knows, maybe the time it takes to forget me will take longer than others, and the lives I impact in turn choose to impact lives that they come into contact with.

Seems simple enough, doesn’t it?

*****

Personal Success Coach is pleased to offer coaching packages starting at $299 per month.  Each session is intentional and deliberately designed with you in mind to address the issues important to you taking you from where you are in life to where you want to be.

Resolution Requires Change

Can we get honest with each other for a few minutes?  I really like this time of year.  Not the cold weather, but the wind down of one year and the ramp up to another.  Christmas is behind us, New Years is upon us, and with that a season of reflecting back on what was, and seeking to establish new routines for what will be.

I always find it laughable when one banters on about resolutions they are making.  Sadly, it normally does not take more than a few days to have those resolutions pushed off into next year, a seeming abyss that in reality gets further and further away, the older one gets.

The best laid plans often lead to nothing absent a plan to make them work.  New Years resolutions are great ideas that rarely turn into change, and I for one think that is a shame.

The dictionary defines the root word of resolution, resolute, as follows:

Resolute - adjective - admirably purposeful, determined, and unwavering

I like the sound of those words, if you failed to recognize it, those my friend are powerbroker words.  Admirable, purposeful, determined, unwavering.  

I don’t know about you, but those are words I want others to use when describing me.

But can I rock your world and thought process for a moment and suggest something.  In most cases, those probably are not the words used to describe you, are they?

Here is the thing. Resolution requires change.  Change is hard.  Complacency is always the easier path.  And before you know it, this new year will be over and you will be right back where you started.

Good ideas coupled with great intention that fails to garner results.

Might I be so bold as to suggest an alternative this year?  What would it take for you to actually make a resolution, and commit to it fully and see it to fruition so that it becomes a new normal in your life.

The experts suggest that new things take 2-3 weeks to become new habits.  In other words, if your resolution this year is to join (or return) to the gym, it will take 2-3 weeks of you being intentional about that for it to become a new normal.  If that resolution is giving up something, perhaps smoking or unhealthy food, it will take 2-3 weeks of not consuming those items for that new norm to develop.

Remember, I told you ahead of time that change is hard.  Real, life changing, course correcting change requires sacrifice and a commitment to establish a new normal that will in turn define the life you want to live.

I get it, it is not a lot of fun, and initially it will not be easy.  But if I know anything I know this, nothing in life worth doing is ever going to be easy.  And if you suck it up and recognize that it will take several weeks for these new habits to develop, you have everything to gain and nothing to lose.

So the challenge this week is really quite simple.  Rather than a flippant remark about what you are resolving to do in the upcoming new year, why not spend some time challenging yourself with the things you’d really like to see accomplished, and set some goals that see you living your life to its fullest not only in this upcoming year, but for years to come.

I promise you that the reward far outweighs the sacrifice, and to me, that sure does seem like a good resolution.

*****

Personal Success Coach is pleased to offer coaching packages starting at $299 per month.  Each session is intentional and deliberately designed with you in mind to address the issues important to you taking you from where you are in life to where you want to be.

You Give To Get

Merry Christmas.  This time of year is always so special, and although this season certainly has seemed rush given the short time in between Thanksgiving and now, it is always a joyous time, and sadly before you know it, it will be over and life, well at least normal life, returns.

I want to take a few minutes today to throw an idea at you.  If you missed it in the title, let me revisit an idea with you here.  You give, to get.  

Now, I know what you are thinking, giving should be unconditional, pure of motive, and strictly for the purpose of enriching another’s life.  Giving should be done expecting nothing in return, absent condition, and I agree with you 100%.

But there is a funny thing I learned a long time ago about giving, when you give, you get.  

For the purpose of our discussion today, I want to ignore physical gifts instead focusing on an item I consider to be the most valuable commodity you and I have, our time.

When you give of your time and talent in helping those around you, that investment comes back to you in droves.  There is something so fulfilling about that act of giving of yourself, I am constantly amazed how how large a return of investment those acts yield.

And the reality, when you choose to give of your time and talent, you typically do not do it seeking something in return, but the fact is, when you give, you are the one who almost always gains the bigger benefit.

The challenge is really simple this Christmas season, you are going to give something to someone, it is inevitable - why not package your gift with an investment of you - choosing to speak into other people lives to make their life, and yours better.

Sound simple enough?

I think it does.  

And if you have not yet found a place to invest your time and talent, I challenge you to make it a New Years Resolution.  Commit to finding something that you commit to, to enrich the lives of your community and the world you reside in.

Trust me on this one, next year this time you will reflect back on the massive ROI you saw for the time you willingly gave.  

And to me, that isn’t a half bad Christmas present to gift yourself.

Merry Christmas.

*****

Personal Success Coach is pleased to offer coaching packages starting at $299 per month.  Each session is intentional and deliberately designed with you in mind to address the issues important to you taking you from where you are in life to where you want to be.

Preparation Is Kay

May I ask you a question?  How much time have you spent since this week planning for Christmas?  Please do not just answer without considering your answer, take a moment to reflect back to how much time you have actually spent planning for the upcoming holiday.

I get it, the holidays are a big deal, and require a lot of planning.  You are not alone, in our own house plans are being made, decorations being hung.  Consideration is being given as to who gifts will be given, and what those gifts will be.  Truth be told, as of this morning, my wife and I have not purchased a single item yet - for anyone!

I raise this question for a very specific reason.  I would like for you to stop and think for a moment how much time you will spend planning and preparing for Christmas, and then ask yourself if you are investing at least that amount of time and energy into planning for the upcoming new year.

At this moment in time I am either hearing crickets or conversation.  I have some friends that have not done any planning for Christmas, and yet when the topic of their life plan for the upcoming year, they will go on for hours talking about all the things they want to accomplish.

Let me be clear, I am in no way, shape, or form, suggesting that a well laid plan that includes the perfect present for that special someone is not important - but might I suggest a well laid plan for the next chapter of your life is of more significance and importance.

I spoke to a potential client several weeks ago, it was a cold contact that came as a result of a referral service I subscribe to.  During the conversation, the gentleman told me how screwed up his life was, how he lacked direction, and how he didn’t know what he wanted out of life.  

It only took a few minutes of this for me to recognize that for this individual, absent a plan his life would continue to track on the path it has thus far within his journey.  

Absent a plan, it is impossible to live life with intention and accomplish the things you want to accomplish within your life.  And just like the effort expended on making sure the holidays are perfect for those you love in your life, effort expended on creating a plan and sticking to pays enormous dividends for you and the ones you love.

The challenge is simple this week.  In between work, and family and all the other things that consume your time, spend a few minutes jotting down some ideas that you can formulate into a plan that allows you to not only end 2019 strong, but kick off 2020 with the momentum you need to own it and make your life the life you want it to be.

I promise you, the effort you spend making that plan will always pay bigger dividends than the time spent planning for the holidays.  Make today the day you get intentional about your life and its direction.

*****

Personal Success Coach is pleased to offer coaching packages starting at $299 per month.  Each session is intentional and deliberately designed with you in mind to address the issues important to you taking you from where you are in life to where you want to be.

Stop And Reflect

Every year, this week causes people to take a moment and stop and reflect back, ideally with the intent of being thankful and grateful for the things in your life.  Truth be told, to some the actual act of thankfulness may seem cliche, but I think that attitude is not only wrong, but extremely flawed.

During this past year, I made a new friend who really forced me into a position of having to be thankful for what I have, but more importantly the sacrifice others have made on my behalf that allows me to have what I have.

My friends name is Tony, and although a few years my senior, we are close enough in age that others would simply assume we are about the same age.  What Tony exudes in terms of service and sacrifice causes me to pause and recognize how good I have had it, and how lucky I have been.

Tony enlisted in the Army at a young age.  As I was walking across the stage at my high school graduation, Tony was boots on the ground in a foreign country fighting a war to help liberate others under the repressive thumb of dictatorship. 

What breaks my heart is the fact that Tony was injured, he suffered, and although now fully retired from active duty, the scars and injuries endured in service continue to this day.

What causes me to stop and reflect is this simple fact.  When I woke up each morning during the last 25 years, my typical focus was on my family, my friends, and ways to conquer the world.  Tony’s perspective is quite different serving strangers in a far away land, and hoping and praying that he would be safe and make it back to his bunk (or worse) and the end of each day.  

Tony is not alone, we all have a Tony in our life that served in a role few can imagine, but many have endured.

I’m thankful for Tony this Thanksgiving season, but more important I’m thankful for people just like Tony, who willingly volunteered on my behalf, to keep our country the best it can be, serving in places I hope I never have to go, facing enemies that would keep most of us awake at night.

Tony has the scars and injuries that he wears as a badge of honor.  There is no regret from Tony as to his service.  Quite to the contrary, I have seen that servants heart extended into a civilian role as Tony reenters a world I’m quite familiar with, but one that he is learning and now finding his role and way to serve others.

Tony may never strap body armor on again, or use a machine gun to serve, but the weapons he now uses to serve are much more powerful, his voice, his story, and his example.  

This week, as you gather around your dinner table complaining about your family that you can’t stand, or the things you think are wrong.  Take a minute and reflect back on the Tony’s you know in your life.  I for one will have Tony and his family sitting across from us as we break bread together, enjoy some really good food, and dine in the company of friends and family.

Being thankful and grateful is a powerful tool that helps put perspective on life.  I promise you, no matter how bad you think you have it, there is always someone else that wishes they could be you.  Thankfully, because of the service of people just like Tony, you and I have the freedom and opportunities we have, and I for one can tell you, you really don’t have it that bad.

Happy Thanksgiving from my family to yours.

*****

Personal Success Coach is pleased to offer coaching packages starting at $299 per month.  Each session is intentional and deliberately designed with you in mind to address the issues important to you taking you from where you are in life to where you want to be.