Don't Live Life Looking Backwards

In the past few years, both my sister along with two of my wife's sisters have lost their husbands at a much too early age.  Although the circumstances between each is different, for some unknown reason I was thinking about the ways each has dealt with the loss, and from that a lesson we all can learn from emerged.

What this weeks Monday Morning Minute is not, is a suggestion of how a person can deal with their loss.  I am taking some artistic license here and using the loss of a loved one or husband as the catalyst to start a train of thought, in this case using  the loss as a picture and illustration.

Here is the thing I know, we have all faced loss, and not just the loss of a loved one.  We have lost at home, we have lost at work or school, we have loss when it comes to the things we set out to do.  The lesson I think exists here is what those next steps look like, and how we deal with them.

When my sister lost her husband a few years ago, she was an absolute wreck.  Our hearts broke as she went through the grieving process, in her case, it involved using reference material that told her what she should be feeling at various weeks past the initial loss.  

In one hard conversation she commented that she did not know how she would be able to move on.  I remember during that conversation making the comment to her, that her husband would not want her to stop living, and that the best way she could honor his memory is in being the best you, she could possibly be.

I think that notion extends to many other aspects of life.  All of us have faced failure or setback in life.  My question to you is this, how did you deal with it.

Did you fold up, give up, gather up, and head home, tail between your legs.  Or did you embrace what was learned and face that challenge again another day?

Did you use that failure as the reason why the next time you tried something, you were better situated to succeed at what you set out to accomplish?

Did you vow to never do the things you did that caused the hurt, and find a way to not only learn from it, but apply it to future endeavors?

If we as humans allow the past to define us, we miss out on all the future holds for us.  If, instead of looking forward each and everyday to a bright new future, we spend the days looking over our shoulder at what once was, there is a whole lot of life we will end up missing out on.

Here is what really brought this full circle for me.  Imagine if you will, a time in the not so distant future, where you find yourself reunited again with that lost loved one, or the failure that so succinctly kicked your butt.  What would you report back at that time as to what was done to accomplish great things.

Perhaps I am being flippant or insensitive to those who have lost loved ones, but the truth is, I think I am being quite the opposite.  The greatest way you honor past experience is succeeding at future experiences, and constantly looking over your shoulder at a past that gets further and further away every waking minute means you will miss out on your next chapter.

If this lesson does not apply to you, I am sorry.  But for me, the greatest honor I can give or do to that which defined me in the past is to simply succeed at what I have in front of me.  And not just succeed, but succeed in a brilliant way that exceeds your wildest expectations.

*****

Personal Success Coach is pleased to offer coaching packages starting at $299 per month.  Each session is intentional and deliberately designed with you in mind to address the issues important to you taking you from where you are in life to where you want to be.

You Give To Get

Merry Christmas.  This time of year is always so special, and although this season certainly has seemed rush given the short time in between Thanksgiving and now, it is always a joyous time, and sadly before you know it, it will be over and life, well at least normal life, returns.

I want to take a few minutes today to throw an idea at you.  If you missed it in the title, let me revisit an idea with you here.  You give, to get.  

Now, I know what you are thinking, giving should be unconditional, pure of motive, and strictly for the purpose of enriching another’s life.  Giving should be done expecting nothing in return, absent condition, and I agree with you 100%.

But there is a funny thing I learned a long time ago about giving, when you give, you get.  

For the purpose of our discussion today, I want to ignore physical gifts instead focusing on an item I consider to be the most valuable commodity you and I have, our time.

When you give of your time and talent in helping those around you, that investment comes back to you in droves.  There is something so fulfilling about that act of giving of yourself, I am constantly amazed how how large a return of investment those acts yield.

And the reality, when you choose to give of your time and talent, you typically do not do it seeking something in return, but the fact is, when you give, you are the one who almost always gains the bigger benefit.

The challenge is really simple this Christmas season, you are going to give something to someone, it is inevitable - why not package your gift with an investment of you - choosing to speak into other people lives to make their life, and yours better.

Sound simple enough?

I think it does.  

And if you have not yet found a place to invest your time and talent, I challenge you to make it a New Years Resolution.  Commit to finding something that you commit to, to enrich the lives of your community and the world you reside in.

Trust me on this one, next year this time you will reflect back on the massive ROI you saw for the time you willingly gave.  

And to me, that isn’t a half bad Christmas present to gift yourself.

Merry Christmas.

*****

Personal Success Coach is pleased to offer coaching packages starting at $299 per month.  Each session is intentional and deliberately designed with you in mind to address the issues important to you taking you from where you are in life to where you want to be.

From Crutch to Catalyst

I had an interesting conversation with a previous client this past week that really put a smile on my face.  This particular client engaged my coaching last year, and over the course of 9-months we worked together developing some new habits and initiatives for his business.  In January, our engagement ended, but we continued to keep in contact grabbing lunch a few times throughout the year, times that gave him the opportunity to update me on things going on within the business.

I had cause to reach out to this client this past weekend, I had a referral for him that I wanted to discuss.  After the discussion regarding the referral was finished, my client told me some of the changes he had instituted within the business.  

He told me that within the last couple of months had instituted changes that had initially been discussed during our engagement period last year.  One critical change involved staff, he recognized the need to hire an office manager, and recently had hired one who was making a tremendous impact on the business as a whole.  

Additionally, an employee that I had recommended letting go, he let go, and another put in notice as they weren’t happy with policies previously initiated, but not enforced.

The comment he made that really wrapped up the conversation was this, “I recognized that I was initially looking for coaching to use as a crutch, not as a catalyst for change.”  

I like that statement, a catalyst for change.

When I approach a new opportunity, my most important criteria is making sure that I am a good fit for the client, and likewise the client a good fit for me.  There is no cookie cutter approach to coaching, each person is unique, and therefore deserves a unique approach specific to where they are in life.

Inversely, a client who is simply using coaching as an excuse or that bounces from one thing to the next without ever putting anything into practice isn’t really looking for help, but simply a crutch.

It does no good to listen, learn, and add tools to the toolbox if you never put them into practice.  Change requires action, excuses don’t.  

As my client conveyed the changes he made, it was exciting to recognize that he saw value in the coaching provided.  The plans developed during our initial times together for the most part sat on a shelf and collected dust.  

Several times during our engagement he commented that he wished things were progressing quicker, and I would gently remind him that the plans initially developed created a roadmap to achieve desired outcomes, but the kink in the plan was his inaction to start the process.

Thankfully, the process was started, change has occurred, and coaching went from being a crutch to acting as a catalyst.

What things are you using as a crutch in life that you need to toss out?

What things are needed to act as a catalyst to kick start the plans you have for your life?

If you aren’t moving forward to accomplish the things you want to accomplish in life, perhaps its time to engage the help of a coach.  I assure you, there are plenty of crutches in life, a coach can help you overcome those and get that forward momentum going again in your life to get you to achieve the things you know you are capable of.

*****

Personal Success Coach is pleased to offer coaching packages starting at $299 per month.  Each session is intentional and deliberately designed with you in mind to address the issues important to you taking you from where you are in life to where you want to be.

Leaving Your Mark

I have a secret to share with you all today, in fairness it’s not secret to those who know me well, but for you all it will come as new information.  It’s nothing bad, more of a guilty pleasure, a calorie free guilty pleasure which in my book means its good.  

I love to watch trains as they pass by.  I love the sound of the steel on steel, the clinging, the hissing, the clacking, the raw power as the locomotives pull past and the ground around them rumble in response.  There is just something majestic about watching a train rumble down the tracks, the sights and sounds and smells that accompany the train for me are fantastic.

I’m also very fortunate to live in a town that has a vibrant economy with a CSX line that runs through the center of town.  Given our close proximity to the Nissan factory means that on any given day you are just as likely to see a train carrying brand new cars from the factory as you are seeing a coal train rumbling by on its way to deliver its freight that will keep the power plant running.

When I’m out driving and time allows, there are 2-3 places along the track that I know I can safely park and observe the train up close.  When my daughter was younger we would make a point to stop at least once a week and “catch a train” as she would refer to it.  It was something that we shared together, and as she’s gotten older I miss those times we had to spend together.

Last week I was with my wife as she was getting her hair done, and the salon we both visit sits across the street from the Smyrna Train Depot.  It is not uncommon to see multiple trains pass by, and the stylist we both use knows that when a train is coming he’ll actually turn the chair so that I can look out the window to see the train pass by while he’s cutting my hair.  (Perhaps there’s a lesson there we can address on another week!)

As I waited while her hair was being done, a train whistle could be heard off in the distance meaning I made my way outside the building to watch for the oncoming train.  As it approached I noticed it had 4 locomotives which meant it was probably going to be a long train, in excess of a mile long or more as is typical on this particular line.

As the cars passed by, I started to pay special attention to the graffiti that adorned so many of the cars.  I’ve never really paid a lot of attention to graffiti in the past, but as this particular train passed by I saw that there was something beautiful about the amount of attention the artists had paid in creating their mark on life.  Let me be clear, I’m not here to argue the legality of the graffiti or the fact that it is in fact vandalism, rather I was focused on the attention given as those who created it sought to create their mark on life.

All to often I think we get stuck in the mundane, and we fail to create a mark on our own lives.  I encourage you to not overthink this one today, this isn’t the life altering leave a legacy type of discussions we’ve had in the past.  Nope, todays challenge is simply this.  Much like those graffiti artists who spend their time, talent and resources to create their mark that ultimately is here today, gone tomorrow - that lasting indelible mark has the possibility of affecting others in the days, weeks and years to come - assuming it isn’t painted over by the next ambitious artist.

Let me ask you this, if you had the opportunity to leave a mark, even if short term, on the lives of those around you - be it co-workers, friends or family - would you take it?  Do you have the confidence to step out and create change with those you work with, even if just short term or otherwise mundane or perhaps trivial, can you do it?

As I watched that train pass by I was awestruck on how much time and planning had gone into some of the different markings on the side of the train cars.  The fiscal side of me took note of how much money in some cases had been spent simply acquiring the paint necessary to complete the different works of art.  On one hand it seems like a tremendous waste of time and talent, but on this particular day I didn’t see it that way.  

I found myself wanting to know more about the person behind the art.  What was it that they saw that they needed others to see in creating their masterpiece.  What mark where they seeking to make, what statement was being portrayed that I was missing.

Here’s the truth.  Not everything you do in life will be life changing or remembered forever.  However, how difficult would it be to create lots of small events that effect those around you, that leave those whom you come into contact with wondering why you did what you did but appreciating the fact that you did it.  

I don’t know about you, but I think if you start creating a lot of small life changing events that you leave your mark on in your sphere of influence, they’ll quickly morph into bigger larger opportunities to create real life changing life altering events.  For me, if you can start doing that, just like me wanting to know the story behind the graffiti I’ll want to know your story as well.

So go on, leave your mark today.  Others will be glad you did.

*****

Personal Success Coach is pleased to offer coaching packages starting at $299 per month.  Each session is intentional and deliberately designed with you in mind to address the issues important to you taking you from where you are in life to where you want to be.

Take Control of the Mess Instead of the Mess Controlling Me

Several weeks ago I had an opportunity to golf in a charity golf tournament that benefited my kids school.  I was fortunate to get paired with a guy that I have known for close to a decade along with the drummer for a prominent country artist.  It was a great day of golf (is there every really a bad day of golf?) that had the 3 of us striking up an immediate rapport along with some friendships that will last well past the afternoon of golf.

During our time together we were discussing careers and other fun stuff when one of the guys commented on a situation he was currently facing stating that he was taking control of the mess versus allowing the mess to control him.  The idea isn’t foreign, but the way it was articulate made had me quickly making a note on my phone with the intent to write about it in an upcoming Monday Morning Minute.

A few years ago, I was assisting a friend of mine with whom I had fallen out of touch but then reunited after about 10 years.  As we caught up on the time missed he revealed that he was in a lot of legal trouble with several lawsuits going on between him and some former business partners.  Lawsuits have a funny way of snowballing, what starts as just a singular action between 2 parties often grows as different affected parties jump into the fray in an attempt to protect their own interests - and such was the case here.

All in all there were 3 or 4 different actions taking place, as when the initial business relationship broke down those affected, including employees, shareholders, and a disenfranchised landlord all filing various actions to memorialize their positions and seek to recover that which they thought they were owed.

It was a hot mess.  There is an old saying when it comes to lawsuits that suggests that when people sue each other, the only people who actually win are the lawyers.  This was certainly the case here, with hundreds of thousands of dollars being billed and paid to lawyers as the various actions worked their way through the court system.

I offer up these details to prove a point though, my friend who was involved had a bad habit of avoiding crisis, including the pending legal actions.  Because of this, some of the items that now were being litigated could have, in theory been discussed with appropriate parties instead of being litigated, possibly (and yes, the key word is possibly) avoiding some if not all of the legal actions taking place.  Based on what I was able to garner from the conversations I had along with the information learned from reading the various lawsuits, it just seemed possible that all of it could have been avoided if the issues present within the business had been faced head on in a proactive manner versus the ineffective method of hiding under a rock and hoping it would all go away.

I’m convinced in my friends case, the business was going to fail anyways.  Given the industry it was in, and the complete and total meltdown of the US Economy in 2008-2012, the industry this company served slowed to a crawl so quickly, an event few if any actually saw coming or thought would happen.  But it did, and the business my friend was involved with along with others failed and shuttered their doors.

What’s the lesson here?  I’m glad you asked.  Without oversimplifying situations, especially one that you might be facing right now, facing crisis head on is more effective than pretending it doesn’t exist or ignoring it.  Or, as my golfing partner stated, take control of the mess instead of the mess controlling me [or you].  Having the ability to get out in front of an issue you are facing gives you the opportunity to mitigate the circumstance, and in some cases even control it.  Furthermore, it removes some level of unknown from the process.  As the business crumbled around my friend, communicating with all the affected parties could have created a situation that avoided legal remedies.  

Of course, each situation is unique, but knowing and understanding that it is never a good idea to avoid that which we need to face means that facing an issue head on will, in my humble opinion, lead to a better outcome than if you don’t.  To illustrate my point using my own kids, several months ago my 9-year old daughter downloaded an App that she somehow managed ended up subscribing to a paid service that was not only wanted, but one that we would never use.  

When I asked her about her downloading the particular App, she repeatedly told me no denying that she had done it.  I told her that I knew she had done it, and despite this she continually looked me and her mother in the eye and denied.  As a result of her denial, she lost technology for 2 weeks as a punishment, and her mother and I told her that we weren’t made about the App being downloaded, on purpose or otherwise, we were mad because she lied to us about it.  She certainly didn’t intend to create the mess she was in, but at that moment she recognized she was in a mess, rather than face it head on she chose to deny it.  The outcome for her was much worse than if she just faced it head on and allowed it to play out.

This week I am sure you will face something that needs addressing, or perhaps you left the office Friday with something looming over your head.  My encouragement to you this week is to tackle it head on, face it, address it, and ultimately seek ways to resolve it.  My guess is, in a lot of cases, its a mess you made, why not take control of it before it takes control of you,  I promise you that you will be glad you did.

(Did you know you can get Monday Morning Minute delivered to your inbox every Monday morning?  Go to PSCoachTN.com and register to have Monday Morning Minute waiting for you each Monday as you start your work week.)

An Interview with Jason J Lukawitz

Several weeks ago I was interviewed for a website, I wanted to share that with you here.

Take a few minutes and let me know what you think.

Click here to listen.

It's ALL About the Cross

Yesterday we celebrated Easter.  For the Christian world, the cross and the empty tomb represent what Christ did for you and me through His suffering, death and resurrection.  For those of you that question the validity of whether or not the story of the cross is true, that Jesus Christ did in fact take on the body of a human, living amongst us a perfectly sinless life - I’m not here to argue with you, but instead perhaps offer some thoughts that might at least challenge your beliefs enough to do some research on your own.

This post actually came as a result of some thoughts I had while showering this past Friday, which also happened to be Good Friday.  I won’t go into a lot of detail other than to let you know that when I shower, I think.  I think a lot.  During the week I’ll plan out my day starting the preparation necessary for the things that are on my calendar for the day and/or week.  My wife and kids were home for the long weekend meaning my normal Friday activities would be on hold this week given my desire to spend time with them.

Going back to my thoughts though.  I got thinking about how much argument and debate there is regarding the cross, and what Jesus did there for us.  Yes - I lean to the hardcore “radical right” in thinking that every word of the Bible is in fact true - and inspired by God through man.  I believe that Jesus did in fact, come to earth as a sinless human being.  I believe that he led a sinless life but suffered humiliation, shame and torture at the hands of man leading to a death fit for a criminal.  

But here’s where my thought direction took a hard left for a minute.  Do you realize, that throughout history there have been hundreds of people claiming to be “god” inspiring people to follow them, often to disastrous ends.  I’ve been around since 1974, and in my lifetime we have seen supposed “gods” like Jim Jones who led the Peoples Temple to mass suicide.  David Koresh and his Branch Davidians for whom he led folks to believe he was their final prophet.

What about Scientology?  Its founder L Ron Hubbard started his career writing science fiction moving over to the creation of religion.  And let’s not forget Joseph Smith, founder of the Mormon Church and author of the Mormon Bible which to date, has had over 4,000 corrections, revisions and changes made - changes necessary to account for prophesy and other predictions that simply never came to be in the timing stated by the original text.

I’m not here to debate those other religions though, but to suggest to you the following.  Although throughout history there have been hundreds if not thousands of folks claiming to be “god”, why is we don’t have churches devoted to the teachings of the Jim Jones and David Koresh’s of the world?  Why is it, people aren’t setting aside days of reverence to recognize accomplishments done under those supposed “gods” watch.  Why is, a little over 2,000 years since the Cross, the Cross of Christ is still so relevant and talked about if it was a myth or fairytale?

If Jesus Christ the man, and yes - there is ample historical evidence in secular writings of the era to not only support but decisively prove that Jesus was in fact who He said he was, including but not limited to post-resurrection - was just a man like others who claim to be “gods”, why hasn’t his memory slipped into obscurity along with the rest of them.  Remember, from the beginning of time there have been “gods” amongst us, but I don’t know a single person who worships an ancient Pharaoh or the river god, and the sun or moon god.  

Nope.  Not one person, and in 44 years of being alive, I haven’t met a single person who does.  And yet each and every day all around the world people humble themselves to the one true living God and His son Jesus Christ.  That doesn’t happen with those other supposed gods, nor should it. 

Before I wrap up here, I do want to stop for a minute and state that I am not a religious scholar nor am I an expert on cults that have existed.  I, like most of you, get my information from Rabbi Google and the nightly news.  However, I know enough to know, that if Jesus Christ wasn’t real, why would He still be so relevant over 2000 years later.

The challenge is simple this week.  Do not be afraid to shake up your thought processes.  The reality is, you can write off every preceding paragraph and still take away something from this post by simply shaking up your thought processes and seeing if there is something in your thought process that can be changed or made better.  For those of you who are still digesting the previous paragraphs and would like to dive deeper into the discussion, I am ready and willing to engage in a conversation.

They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.  This exercise in shaking up your thought processes is the anti-insanity exercise.  If there is something in your life that drives you crazy, this is the week to make a change.  The effort will be worth it, and if you adopt the thinking I have regarding Jesus and the work He did on the cross, it has the potential to be life changing for both now and eternity.

I know, I’ve ran long this week - I appreciate your humoring me and sticking with me until the end.  For those of you who want to learn more, you can reach me direct at Jason@PSCoachTN.com and we can discuss further.

(Did you know you can get Monday Morning Minute delivered to your inbox every Monday morning?  Go to PSCoachTN.com and register to have Monday Morning Minute waiting for you each Monday as you start your work week.)

Make Something Happen - Today!

If there is one thing I can’t stand listening to, it is someone who continually reflects back to the things in their life using the “would’ve, could’ve, should’ve” as a lament and an attempt to get pity from myself or others.

Truth is, we all have had at least one would’ve, could’ve, should’ve moment in life.  This week I want to deal with how we dealt with that and offer a suggestion moving forward.

When working with clients, one of the ideas I love to suggest is the idea of living life without regrets.  Sure, there will be things that get missed out on in life, but having a plan, sticking to it, and being unapologetic in your approach and intention is a great set of traits.  Wayne Gretsky once famously said, “You miss out on 100% of the shots you don’t take.”  When you don’t take the shot, you will miss out creating another would’ve, could’ve, should’ve moment in life.

Granted, not every shot you take ends up being a winner, but that is OK.  Life dictates that you need opportunities to learn and sometimes learning comes from taking a shot and failing.  But here is the thing, AT LEAST YOU TRIED.  You gave it an effort, you made an attempt and my guess is you probably learned a thing or two along the way.

So as we head off into a new week, and a new month.  While others around you engage in the Aprils Foolery nonsense, why not be intentional about getting something done in your life.  Reflect back on something that you regret not having tried and position yourself to give it a try. 

Think about it for a moment, what if a month from now you’ve incorporated 1, 2, maybe 3 or more items that you’ve wanted to accomplish and started actually accomplishing them.  If there is one thing I’ve learned in life about the would’ve, could’ve, should’ve mentality, it’s simply this.  When you are actively engaged in setting and achieving goals in life, there is very little time left over for remorse for the things you didn’t attempt.  Better than that, the reality is as you get engaged those items that you perhaps have shown remorse for not trying may end up being accomplished as you seek to fulfill the things in life you want to accomplish.

The challenge then is very simple.  This week - in fact why not start today - make something happen.  That’s it.  Seems simple enough, doesn’t it?  

Let’s meet up again next week and be ready to share what you accomplished.

(Did you know you can get Monday Morning Minute delivered to your inbox every Monday morning?  Go to PSCoachTN.com and register to have Monday Morning Minute waiting for you each Monday as you start your work week.)