crisis management

Choosing To Fail

I have a friend, he is almost 20 years older than me, and having known him for most of my life, I think I can speak with authority in the topic being introduced here today.  

My friend has been married several times, and divorced from the mother of his three adult children, he now resides with his girlfriend who is my age, and therefore 20 years younger than he is.  

Got it?  Good!

I lay the ground work as it will serve as an important idea I am going to try to develop this week regarding life in general.  My friend and his ex-wife raised three kids, all of whom are college educated and functioning, contributing members of society.  

The girlfriend has three adult kids as well, but those kids are younger in comparison to those raised by my friend, coming in around 20, 22 & 24 - give or take a year or two on each.  These three kids life paths have been quite different from those taken by my friends kids.  Although as a result of a teenage pregnancy the middle child was forced into being an adult, the oldest and youngest still have not transitioned into adulthood yet.

I bring you one more nugget of information to more fully develop the backstory - the girlfriend is comes from a family that is third or fourth generation, dependent.  In other words, the lineage is such that the family as a whole depends on the government to survive.  Call it what you will, food stamps, subsidized rent, hand outs, tax breaks.

Now let me be very clear here.  I am not in any way, shape or form attempting to make a social or political statement with what I am sharing here, for me, the lesson comes from the choices each individual makes that can effect the outcomes of their own lives. 

Recently, the youngest of the three kids rejoined my friend and his girlfriend, the kids mother.  He had had an extended stay at his birth fathers house, and after battling drug addictions and other issues, he decided to move to his mothers verbally stating he wanted to start life over and have a redo.

Starting over and having a redo is hard.  I do not want to suggest it is easy at all.  Making the fundamental changes necessary in life to course correct and determine a different outcome is extremely difficult.  But hear me out, it is extremely difficult, but not impossible. 

My friend asked me if I would meet with this young man, and I agreed.  During out time together he spoke a big game, talked about all the things he wanted to accomplish, and to his credit he had a “take the world by the horns” attitude necessary to start the path towards success.

During our time together I gave him a very simple assignment, one that would only take a few moments, but within the assignment it would require some really hard self reflection and adjustment.  I told him that I was all for him seeking to change his world and his outcome, but that the change could only start with him, emphasizing that the only thing he could change is himself and therefore despite all the distractions and complications of life, he was going to be the one that needed to change.

Sadly, as of today, the simple assignment given to him by me has remained uncompleted.  I have seen him a couple of times since our first meeting, and my friend keeps me in the loop as to the lack of progress with this young man.  The sad truth is, he is more content to blame his circumstances on everyone else, than he is willing to own the circumstances and start taking the difficult steps towards change.

Here is where I am at with this process.  The reality is, we all have circumstances that affect the outcome of our lives.  Perhaps yours are not as tragic as this young mans are, perhaps they are worse.  The question I always like to see asked and answered is simply this, what are you doing to make the changes necessary to achieve the outcomes in life you want to achieve.  

Yes, it sucks that this kid had the deck stacked against him from the day he was born given the circumstances he was born into .  It sucks.  I’m not going to argue that point for even a minute.  But here is what I know, he can, if was chooses too, make changes necessary to confront those challenges and set himself up for success in this life.  

NO ONE ELSE CAN DO IT FOR HIM - and guess what, no one else can do if for you either.

You and you alone hold the keys to your life’s journey in the palm of your hands.  You and you alone can either choose to make the past events of your life the reason why you fail, or the reason you succeed.

And guess what, you have the ability to start that change TODAY.

If you make that choice.

So the challenge is really simple this week.  If you are stuck in a place using the events that have occurred to you in the past as the reason you are the way you are today.  STOP IT, and start making change that will positively affect the outcome of the rest of your life.  Just because you started behind does not mean you cannot finish strong.

Make today the day you stop making excuses and start making decisions that will positively affect the rest of your life.

The journey will not be easy and the steps you need to take will probably be hard, but I can promise you this, the outcome you will achieve will be worth it.  

When I get to the end of my days, I want to reflect back and say with confidence that I lived my life to its fullest, that I gave it my all, and that I did the best job possible for me, the ones I love, the ones I am fortunate enough to do life with.  

I believe with all my heart and soul that failure is a choice, but it is not a choice I accept, and it is not a choice that I will allow to hold me down.  I feel bad for that young man, but in the end, I know the only person who can make that change is him, and right now, he has chosen to fail.

How about you???

*****

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Take Control of the Mess Instead of the Mess Controlling Me

Several weeks ago I had an opportunity to golf in a charity golf tournament that benefited my kids school.  I was fortunate to get paired with a guy that I have known for close to a decade along with the drummer for a prominent country artist.  It was a great day of golf (is there every really a bad day of golf?) that had the 3 of us striking up an immediate rapport along with some friendships that will last well past the afternoon of golf.

During our time together we were discussing careers and other fun stuff when one of the guys commented on a situation he was currently facing stating that he was taking control of the mess versus allowing the mess to control him.  The idea isn’t foreign, but the way it was articulate made had me quickly making a note on my phone with the intent to write about it in an upcoming Monday Morning Minute.

A few years ago, I was assisting a friend of mine with whom I had fallen out of touch but then reunited after about 10 years.  As we caught up on the time missed he revealed that he was in a lot of legal trouble with several lawsuits going on between him and some former business partners.  Lawsuits have a funny way of snowballing, what starts as just a singular action between 2 parties often grows as different affected parties jump into the fray in an attempt to protect their own interests - and such was the case here.

All in all there were 3 or 4 different actions taking place, as when the initial business relationship broke down those affected, including employees, shareholders, and a disenfranchised landlord all filing various actions to memorialize their positions and seek to recover that which they thought they were owed.

It was a hot mess.  There is an old saying when it comes to lawsuits that suggests that when people sue each other, the only people who actually win are the lawyers.  This was certainly the case here, with hundreds of thousands of dollars being billed and paid to lawyers as the various actions worked their way through the court system.

I offer up these details to prove a point though, my friend who was involved had a bad habit of avoiding crisis, including the pending legal actions.  Because of this, some of the items that now were being litigated could have, in theory been discussed with appropriate parties instead of being litigated, possibly (and yes, the key word is possibly) avoiding some if not all of the legal actions taking place.  Based on what I was able to garner from the conversations I had along with the information learned from reading the various lawsuits, it just seemed possible that all of it could have been avoided if the issues present within the business had been faced head on in a proactive manner versus the ineffective method of hiding under a rock and hoping it would all go away.

I’m convinced in my friends case, the business was going to fail anyways.  Given the industry it was in, and the complete and total meltdown of the US Economy in 2008-2012, the industry this company served slowed to a crawl so quickly, an event few if any actually saw coming or thought would happen.  But it did, and the business my friend was involved with along with others failed and shuttered their doors.

What’s the lesson here?  I’m glad you asked.  Without oversimplifying situations, especially one that you might be facing right now, facing crisis head on is more effective than pretending it doesn’t exist or ignoring it.  Or, as my golfing partner stated, take control of the mess instead of the mess controlling me [or you].  Having the ability to get out in front of an issue you are facing gives you the opportunity to mitigate the circumstance, and in some cases even control it.  Furthermore, it removes some level of unknown from the process.  As the business crumbled around my friend, communicating with all the affected parties could have created a situation that avoided legal remedies.  

Of course, each situation is unique, but knowing and understanding that it is never a good idea to avoid that which we need to face means that facing an issue head on will, in my humble opinion, lead to a better outcome than if you don’t.  To illustrate my point using my own kids, several months ago my 9-year old daughter downloaded an App that she somehow managed ended up subscribing to a paid service that was not only wanted, but one that we would never use.  

When I asked her about her downloading the particular App, she repeatedly told me no denying that she had done it.  I told her that I knew she had done it, and despite this she continually looked me and her mother in the eye and denied.  As a result of her denial, she lost technology for 2 weeks as a punishment, and her mother and I told her that we weren’t made about the App being downloaded, on purpose or otherwise, we were mad because she lied to us about it.  She certainly didn’t intend to create the mess she was in, but at that moment she recognized she was in a mess, rather than face it head on she chose to deny it.  The outcome for her was much worse than if she just faced it head on and allowed it to play out.

This week I am sure you will face something that needs addressing, or perhaps you left the office Friday with something looming over your head.  My encouragement to you this week is to tackle it head on, face it, address it, and ultimately seek ways to resolve it.  My guess is, in a lot of cases, its a mess you made, why not take control of it before it takes control of you,  I promise you that you will be glad you did.

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Why I Coach...

I’ve always had a mentor in my life.  I remember from a very young age always having an older wiser person in my life who poured into me wisdom and knowledge that ultimately made me a better person.  In high school, I met a gentlemen named Larry at our church.  Larry had a vacation house in the area but lived full time in New York City.  A friendship ensued and from that relationship I learned from him.  When it came time to apply for college, Larry penned a letter of recommendation that to this day still sits on my desk.

Later in life Gary became a prominent part of my life.  Both in friendship and in mentorship, Gary walked life alongside me teaching along the way, and there have been others as well - all making me a better person, and I truly believe more effective in my role as coach to others.

I coach for one simple reason.  I love the engagement with others, meeting them where they are in life and partnering with them as they seek to achieve the goals they have set forth for themselves in life.  Each and every opportunity is different, my approach to coaching is simply this:  Meeting you where you are and taking you to where you want to be.

I don’t believe in a one size fits all approach, different people need different things.  When I meet for the first time with a new client, I listen to them talk.  What are the things they want to see accomplished.  What are the objectives they thing they can achieve from using a coach.  I strive to see if the skill set I have is a correct fit for them. I don’t ever want to take money from a client just for the sake of earning money - I want their investment in me to be one that is of highest benefit to them.

I do have a foundational approach to my coaching style, but those tools are brought in as needed and relevant.  No 2 clients are the same, therefore my approach is never cookie cutter.  I want each coaching session to relevant to the client, I want the take aways to be tools that can be put into effect immediately, not something put into storage until a later time because they aren’t there yet.

When meeting with business clients I adapt the same approach.  I add one additional element in that I seek to make the coaching I provide revenue neutral.  I want the value I add to an organization be reflected in increased sales and productivity - in essence when I partner with a company as their coach I seek to pay for myself through the value I bring.

Here are 2 things I can tell you as fact:

  1. Everyone can benefit from using a Coach, be it Life Coach or Business Coach.  There is a true benefit to be had by using a coach to better yourself or your business.  

  2. I will never engage with a client if I don’t think I am the right fit for their goals and objectives.  I will always spend an hour of my time on the front end to really get to know and understand a prospective client before engaging them as their coach.  This investment of time pays massive dividends in that both the client and myself knows for sure that we are right for each other.  

So as you start this week, and more importantly start the wind down of 2018 and the ramp up of 2019, I encourage each and every one of you reading this to engage a coach.  Plan to finish 2018 strong and start 2019 purposeful, intentional and deliberate in what you want to accomplish.

If I am fortunate enough to be engaged by you, I would be honored to work with, and walk alongside you as you accomplish the things you seek to do in 2019 and beyond.

Seeing you succeed is why I coach.  

Your success is my success.

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Fork In The Road

The phone rang at 7:16pm Thursday evening, my wife and I were sitting in a concert and I texted that I would have to call back, but as is pretty typical when a phone call arrives at an odd time for the caller, I follow up with a, “is everything OK” text.

The response came back at once, “NO.”

I showed my wife the phone and she knew I would be stepping out to deal with an issue.

My friends wife had been arrested, charged with felony hit & run with injuries, along with a DUI.  I knew it was going to be a long night for everyone involved.  My friend was broken, almost in tears, said he could barely stand up, and was trying to the best of his ability to process what was going on.

I reached out to some people and within an hour had things moving in a positive direction.  I know the road ahead is going to a very long and expensive one for my friend, his wife and their family, but the elements and details that went into the evenings events weren’t anything I hadn’t heard before.

The reality is my friends wife is an alcoholic.  She has been for most of her life.  The only person who didn’t think she had a problem was her - but that all changed Thursday night.  Reality, and for that matter jail has a funny way of changing ones perspective.

After posting bail she was released from jail and I know it was a very long sleepless night for both of them as a new reality set it in.  Of course like most life events, especially ones that are bad or severe, the morning after is normally worse than the actual event, and I think that applies here.

I spent countless hours on the phone with them the following day discussing next steps on this  journey they were thrust into.  I am in no way, shape or form suggesting that I condone what happened - thankfully no one was seriously injured - but if there is a silver lining it is that both of them for the first time in their lives have to face head on the fact that she has a problem that could have turned out a lot worse.

I told them starting that day, this was their opportunity to start their lives new and afresh, they will still have a lot of stuff to deal with from the accident and subsequent charges.  Between bail and the attorney, they have already invested almost $20,000 of their life savings, and the fees and expenses are just getting started.  

This is their “fork in the road” moment.  They have a decision to make - keep things the way it has been for the last 20-years - or they can choose to embrace what has happened and make real substantive choices that will set their life on a different trajectory than what it was. The decision ultimately is theirs, and theirs alone to make.  Although the court and possibly even some jail time may mandate a treatment program to deal with the addiction, actually going all in on the program to make a real lasting change is theirs to make.  What I know and told them is simply this, she can’t do it on her own, she needs the support of everyone around her to beat this and come out better.

They have a decision to make this “investment” of bail, attorney, fees and fines etc to learn, or simply pay the fees and go on with the status quo.

Life is funny in that regard, I’m sure when she took that drink and headed out she wasn’t planning on hurting other people, her status quo was that she could handle it and her husband wasn’t strong enough to help her get the help she needed.  Status quo is a dangerous place to be, that “fork in the road” they are facing has 2 signs, one that says “Status quo - life as its been” or “New Life Ahead”.  

Those who have walked addiction journeys know that the status quo is in fact the easier route - but we all know how that outcome plays out.

As a Life Coach I don’t normally deal with these kind of issues.  I got the phone call that night because my friend didn’t know who else to call.  We’ve been friends for far too long for me to ignore him or not step up and help - however I was very clear with both of them that absent them making a severe course direction - I would not be there for them next time.

Call it what you want, I call it tough love.

The fact is we all have “fork in the road” moments throughout our lives.  How we deal with, and the course we choose is what defines us and our character.  I truly don’t know how this story will end, perhaps I’ll circle back to my friend and update you at a later date.

The takeaway is simple, when you come to that “fork in the road” in your life, the status quo may seem like the easier route to take, but history tells us that the course direction is the one that will yield the greater result and the better you.

To live your life to its fullest requires sacrifice, perseverance, and yes even some pain from time to time.  The you that comes out of those times is always better than the you that started the journey.  So this week, embrace your fork in the road moments and see them as the opportunity that they are.

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*Just for the record. This post is in no way, shape or form meant to condone the behavior of my friends wife, what she did was wrong and she will pay a hefty penalty and possibly a little jail time - all deserved. The other party sustained some minor bruises, but will be OK. My friend and his wife will most likely be sued by the other party. The purpose of this post is to tell a story and illustrate a “fork in the road” moment.

What Your Gut Instinct Tells You That The Numbers Don’t

Have you ever trusted your gut instinct?  You know, the deep down inside the pit of your belly feeling you get when you just know something to be right, or wrong.  It is not uncommon for me to trust my and allow it to strongly influence my decision-making process.

But is it OK to make decisions based on “trusting your gut”?

Rational people will tell you, “No.”  They will list a host of reasons why trusting one's gut is a terrible way to lead, however, I’d argue to the contrary, when you know you are right based on your gut instinct, despite what the data might suggest, maybe, just maybe go with your gut instinct.

I remember several years ago I had a customer whose growth rate was insane.  Their operation went from a 20,000 square foot building to a 300,000 square feet in a matter of years, and employees were added to keep up with the rapid expansion.  Things were looking really good.  For me, the fun came when each and every purchase order was bigger than the last, and for a long time servicing their account was a full-time job.

And then the phone call came, my buyer told me that they had been acquired by a Fortune 500 company, and that things were about to get really insanely busy.  I wanted to be excited by the news, but my gut told me that the huge orders would quickly be coming to an end, and that the business stream I had there would soon evaporate.  The data did not support my gut instinct, but I suspected my gut was right.

Within 6 months of the acquisition, the buyer announced that they were shutting down the operation.  The business model in place prior to the purchase just didn’t fit with the parent company and because the parent company didn’t know how to adapt, my customer became a ledger entry loss on an accountants spreadsheet.  And hundreds of people lost their jobs and what once was a great company ceased to exist.

Gut instinct saw through the data of what on the surface appeared to be a really good thing.  Does that mean you should only and always trust your gut instinct?  Of course not, however knowing when and where to trust is paramount in ones success.  Gut instinct becomes a sixth sense, it can’t nor should it be ignored.  It may not always be right, but looking back at my personal track record trusting my gut, I can tell you it has been right more than it has been wrong.

The challenge here is simple, next time you are faced with a tough decision, or something about the decision you need to make just doesn’t feel right.  Lean in to your gut - you never know what it may be trying to tell you.

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Stop Living Life Like a Firefighter

Stop Living Life Like a Firefighter

I would wager a bet that you didn’t realize you were a firefighter.  Most people will never realize the truth that they live life as a firefighter.  I know what you are thinking, I’m not referring to a literal firefighter.  No, quite to the contrary, most people live their lives rushing from one crisis to the next, always reacting to the moment.

I don’t need to tell you how much stress that can bring to one's life.  Crisis management is a great skill, but certainly not one that needs to come into play day after day after day.  And yet day in and day out people rush around seeking to avert one crisis after another, never getting the time to stop given the need to react to crisis after crisis.

Have you ever heard the saying, “Lack of planning on your part does not equal a crisis for me”?

This concept is as relevant in your personal life as it is in your business life.

Living life intentionally and on purpose is a great way to get out of the role of firefighter and gain.  Proactively planning your life is a great way to start getting out of the reactionary lifestyle and makes for a much calmer day.  

An intentional life is one that is well thought out, planned and deliberate.  That doesn’t always mean a crisis can be averted, however when you seek to put structure and order into your life, the likelihood of a crisis is exponentially diminished.  Even better - when a crisis is presented - your intentional planning mitigates the circumstances leading to a better outcome than the people presenting the crisis expected.

So what is the takeaway?  

How about spending some time this week being intentional about your calendar.  Put your time to work for you.  

Own it.  

Master it.   

Most importantly make it your own.  Be intentional, be proactive, and hang up your firefighting suit once and for all.

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