The phone rang at 7:16pm Thursday evening, my wife and I were sitting in a concert and I texted that I would have to call back, but as is pretty typical when a phone call arrives at an odd time for the caller, I follow up with a, “is everything OK” text.
The response came back at once, “NO.”
I showed my wife the phone and she knew I would be stepping out to deal with an issue.
My friends wife had been arrested, charged with felony hit & run with injuries, along with a DUI. I knew it was going to be a long night for everyone involved. My friend was broken, almost in tears, said he could barely stand up, and was trying to the best of his ability to process what was going on.
I reached out to some people and within an hour had things moving in a positive direction. I know the road ahead is going to a very long and expensive one for my friend, his wife and their family, but the elements and details that went into the evenings events weren’t anything I hadn’t heard before.
The reality is my friends wife is an alcoholic. She has been for most of her life. The only person who didn’t think she had a problem was her - but that all changed Thursday night. Reality, and for that matter jail has a funny way of changing ones perspective.
After posting bail she was released from jail and I know it was a very long sleepless night for both of them as a new reality set it in. Of course like most life events, especially ones that are bad or severe, the morning after is normally worse than the actual event, and I think that applies here.
I spent countless hours on the phone with them the following day discussing next steps on this journey they were thrust into. I am in no way, shape or form suggesting that I condone what happened - thankfully no one was seriously injured - but if there is a silver lining it is that both of them for the first time in their lives have to face head on the fact that she has a problem that could have turned out a lot worse.
I told them starting that day, this was their opportunity to start their lives new and afresh, they will still have a lot of stuff to deal with from the accident and subsequent charges. Between bail and the attorney, they have already invested almost $20,000 of their life savings, and the fees and expenses are just getting started.
This is their “fork in the road” moment. They have a decision to make - keep things the way it has been for the last 20-years - or they can choose to embrace what has happened and make real substantive choices that will set their life on a different trajectory than what it was. The decision ultimately is theirs, and theirs alone to make. Although the court and possibly even some jail time may mandate a treatment program to deal with the addiction, actually going all in on the program to make a real lasting change is theirs to make. What I know and told them is simply this, she can’t do it on her own, she needs the support of everyone around her to beat this and come out better.
They have a decision to make this “investment” of bail, attorney, fees and fines etc to learn, or simply pay the fees and go on with the status quo.
Life is funny in that regard, I’m sure when she took that drink and headed out she wasn’t planning on hurting other people, her status quo was that she could handle it and her husband wasn’t strong enough to help her get the help she needed. Status quo is a dangerous place to be, that “fork in the road” they are facing has 2 signs, one that says “Status quo - life as its been” or “New Life Ahead”.
Those who have walked addiction journeys know that the status quo is in fact the easier route - but we all know how that outcome plays out.
As a Life Coach I don’t normally deal with these kind of issues. I got the phone call that night because my friend didn’t know who else to call. We’ve been friends for far too long for me to ignore him or not step up and help - however I was very clear with both of them that absent them making a severe course direction - I would not be there for them next time.
Call it what you want, I call it tough love.
The fact is we all have “fork in the road” moments throughout our lives. How we deal with, and the course we choose is what defines us and our character. I truly don’t know how this story will end, perhaps I’ll circle back to my friend and update you at a later date.
The takeaway is simple, when you come to that “fork in the road” in your life, the status quo may seem like the easier route to take, but history tells us that the course direction is the one that will yield the greater result and the better you.
To live your life to its fullest requires sacrifice, perseverance, and yes even some pain from time to time. The you that comes out of those times is always better than the you that started the journey. So this week, embrace your fork in the road moments and see them as the opportunity that they are.
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*Just for the record. This post is in no way, shape or form meant to condone the behavior of my friends wife, what she did was wrong and she will pay a hefty penalty and possibly a little jail time - all deserved. The other party sustained some minor bruises, but will be OK. My friend and his wife will most likely be sued by the other party. The purpose of this post is to tell a story and illustrate a “fork in the road” moment.