The Disfunction of Family

It may not be funny, but it sure is true.  It is said you can pick your friends, but you cannot pick your family.  I think if we are all honest, there is a lot of that statement we all can relate to.  Even if you are not honest about this, I will be honest.  

Sadly, I come from a family, that much like EVERYONE ELSES has high degrees of disfunction on some level or another.  I state this to point out that you, are not alone.  You, like me, are in a boat that many people share.

It is interesting however how different people deal with and handle the disfunction that exists within their own lives.

This past weekend saw a family reunion of sorts occur in my neck of the woods.  Truth be told, it has been, and continues to be a really fun event.  The issue lies in the fact that one of my parents remains bitter and hostile towards the other, thirty years after the divorce occurred.  

It is as if they are each others kryptonite.  Because of this, it is just best that that parent simply not be alerted or advised should the other one be in town.  It is just that simple.  

Or at least should be.  

To me, it is simply childish behavior stemming from events of a bygone era.  To put it into perspective, these events occurred at a time and place wherein most people had a landline phone, if, and the key word is, IF, they had a cell phone, they wanted it to flip because that is what the status symbol of the day was.  BMW 3-Series still sold more manuals than automatics, and heck, you can’t even get a manual 3-Series anymore since they only sell automatics.

You get the picture, A LONG TIME AGO.

The fact is, there is actually a lesson that can be extracted from the events of this weekend and the relationships that still cause stress on others.

Are you ready for it?

Here goes…

GET OVER IT.

You heard me.  GET OVER IT.  The fact is, life is way too short to hold on to the things that make you mad or upset.  I get it, relationships break, and sometimes even lead to divorce.  And sure, one side or the other may be baffled in the reality that that now brings, but the fact is.  Life goes on, and so should you.

I write this, perhaps more so for me and my family, than for you and yours.  But the fact is, in life I think we all tend to hold on to stuff more than we should and by doing so we introduce disfunction into our lives and the world we live in.

And for what?

If you, and I, are truly honest with ourselves.  It accomplishes NOTHING except creating stress in our lives and the lives of those we love and enjoy doing life with.   Worse, if you hold on to it long enough, and banter, and rant, and rave, and complain, and dissent as often as I have seen some do, guess what?  Others do not enjoy being around you.

No, there was no Kum Ba Ya moment this weekend between my parents, nor should there have been.  What should have occurred is adults acting like adults and simply getting along because it is the right thing to do, regardless of past grievances, right, wrong or indifferent.

But that is OK, because you, like me, have the option to not only learn from those past mistake, but to do better within our own lives and families and seek ways not to repeat those mistakes.

Yes, you, and you alone have the ability to effect change in your life and the lives around you.  I don’t know about you, but for me, that just seems to make more sense that the alternative.  

So here is the challenge this week, and it is in fact a very simple one.  If there are areas in your life that you are carrying baggage, rather than continue to carry that baggage.  Why not resolve it, let it go, put it behind you, and move on with your life choosing to look forward versus constantly looking back.

This much I know.  You, like me may have disfunction floating around within your world, but like me, you can choose not to allow it to affect the life you live, and the life you want for your loved ones and friends.  

*****

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It's Easy to be a Critic

I watched the Super Bowl last night.  I’m not a huge sports fan, if I watch 2 games a year outside of the Super Bowl thats a lot.  But I always enjoy watching the big game.  The fact the Patriots where back again certainly heightens my enjoyment of the game as I have for all intents and purposes been a Patriots fan my entire life.

As I watched last night I and then listened the commentary this morning both of the game and the commercials that go along with it - I realized that everyone is a critic of something.

And sure, have the ability to offer an opinion is something all embrace, may I suggest that an opinion is different from criticism - and most of what I heard today was bleak criticism fashioned as opinion.

Can I offer up a idea?  Most of us simply do not have the skill or talent to either play or coach at the level the LA Rams and New England Patriots play at.  So for any of us to second guess, or - wait for it - “Monday Morning Quarterback” our thoughts about what should have occurred is quite frankly ridiculous.

It’s a fact.  WE - and yes, I’m speaking to me just as much as you - aren’t world class athletes that can take the beating those players take while making the plays those players make.  Sometimes it just hurts watching the abuse their bodies endure so that we can criticize the decisions they make while playing the game.

But I want to develop this idea a little further in that aside from the game itself, we tend to all have an opinion regarding the much hyped (overhyped?) commercials.  But once again, is it possible that our opinions disguised as criticism are not only wanted, but needed.

Hundreds of hours go into the strategic planning that make up a Super Bowl commercial.  Creative decisions meant to sway and influence the viewer go into the careful messaging and crafting of each commercial.

Some are home runs, er touchdowns, while others fail to make the grade.  I get it - that is why we get to have an opinion.  But take it a step further and recognize the time and talent that is behind the scenes of the messaging being presented in the commercials shown during the big game.

This thought has been stewing all day with me and frankly has served as a challenge for me this week.  Outside of the criticism masked as opinion I want to ask this very simple question.  

Are you willing to put yourself out there in a creative way or does the threat of criticism mean you play it safe?

It is a tough question.  I get it, odds are you aren’t in advertising or professional sports, but within the arena that you have influence.  Are you content to sit on the sidelines while others call the shots or are you willing, or perhaps do you consistently put yourself out there and lead with ideas and concepts that you know others most likely are critical of when you aren’t around.

Leadership is funny in that way.  Some of the best leaders out there use their own transparency  and vulnerability to create ideas that while initially laughed at ultimately turn out to be ideas we all embrace later in life.

They don’t allow the naysayers and critics to hold them back rather demonstrate leadership by consistently leading and challenging those around them.

Are you that kind of person and if not, why not begin this week.  Don’t let the opinions of others hold you back from being the person you know you can be.

This week live like there are no critics and don’t be afraid to let your creative side shine.

(Did you know you can get Monday Morning Minute delivered to your inbox every Monday morning?  Go to PSCoachTN.com and register to have Monday Morning Minute waiting for you each Monday as you start your work week.)