I had an interesting conversation last week with a friend of mine. We were discussing different people we encounter throughout the course of our weeks, and based on some high level conversation it would appear that we both ran into the same person during the prior week, or at least the same type of person.
The fact is, if you think back hard enough, we all probably ran into that person within the last week, and chances are we will again this week and the week after as well. You know who I’m talking about, the one that no matter the circumstance or event life throws them, not only do they already have the answer for it but they’ll ignore the advice or counsel of others who have had similar circumstances - but have overcome them.
The conversations typically play out the same way, it starts with the “woe is me” and quickly segues into the excuse portion of the narrative followed by the “I know I should” - hold up here, this is the figurative pause that if we were speaking in person would now be occurring, so go on, wait for it while I return you to the narrative - “I know I should... ...BUT”
And there it is, that oh so fatal word, BUT. BUT is the word that excuses all actions and suggestion that follows. BUT is the word that minimizes or diminishes any advice tendered. BUT is the word that tells you that they don’t want to change their situation, just have you wallow in it with them. BUT is the reason they will be in the same boat tomorrow, next week, next month and most likely next year.
Here’s the thing I know. Life ain’t perfect (apparently neither is my english!), however when we allow that word BUT to cloud our judgment, we’ve just allowed ourselves the excuse necessary to justify WHY things aren’t getting better or changing.
Ouch, I’m swinging for the fences but may be hitting close to home for some of you. So let me ask you, is BUT and excuses and cover it offers your driving force, or is making deliberate intentional change what motivates you to get up out of that situation and effect change on your life?
I titled this piece, “Saying No Is Hard To Do” for one simple reason. When you encounter that person in your life this week, are you willing to stand by, offer the sympathetic ear, and move on once they hit the inevitable BUT in their story, or are you willing to say NO to the story and move on with your day letting them know that while sympathetic, you are aware that when the details are stripped away they are the reason they are dealing with whatever the issue of the day is.
Seem harsh? It is. No doubt. Hard things in life can be harsh. Here’s the challenge. More than saying NO, do you have the courage to stand strong and be specific as to why you are saying NO. Do you have the courage to speak the truth in love?
I know, it is hard. Life changing conversations are always hard. If you don’t speak the truth in love, who will? Maybe it’s not your thing, maybe this week isn’t the week to do it. Can you do me a favor though?
Consider taking that bold step, speak truth wrapped in love. When the inevitable BUT comes crashing down in the tale, speak up, speak boldly, say NO - and then tender advice that has the ability to effect change so that next time, there isn’t a BUT in the conversation.
Are you with me??? Feel free to comment below if you are so inclined. I love when BUT gets turned around and changed to something along the lines of, ...and as a result of!!!
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