You Give To Get

Merry Christmas.  This time of year is always so special, and although this season certainly has seemed rush given the short time in between Thanksgiving and now, it is always a joyous time, and sadly before you know it, it will be over and life, well at least normal life, returns.

I want to take a few minutes today to throw an idea at you.  If you missed it in the title, let me revisit an idea with you here.  You give, to get.  

Now, I know what you are thinking, giving should be unconditional, pure of motive, and strictly for the purpose of enriching another’s life.  Giving should be done expecting nothing in return, absent condition, and I agree with you 100%.

But there is a funny thing I learned a long time ago about giving, when you give, you get.  

For the purpose of our discussion today, I want to ignore physical gifts instead focusing on an item I consider to be the most valuable commodity you and I have, our time.

When you give of your time and talent in helping those around you, that investment comes back to you in droves.  There is something so fulfilling about that act of giving of yourself, I am constantly amazed how how large a return of investment those acts yield.

And the reality, when you choose to give of your time and talent, you typically do not do it seeking something in return, but the fact is, when you give, you are the one who almost always gains the bigger benefit.

The challenge is really simple this Christmas season, you are going to give something to someone, it is inevitable - why not package your gift with an investment of you - choosing to speak into other people lives to make their life, and yours better.

Sound simple enough?

I think it does.  

And if you have not yet found a place to invest your time and talent, I challenge you to make it a New Years Resolution.  Commit to finding something that you commit to, to enrich the lives of your community and the world you reside in.

Trust me on this one, next year this time you will reflect back on the massive ROI you saw for the time you willingly gave.  

And to me, that isn’t a half bad Christmas present to gift yourself.

Merry Christmas.

*****

Personal Success Coach is pleased to offer coaching packages starting at $299 per month.  Each session is intentional and deliberately designed with you in mind to address the issues important to you taking you from where you are in life to where you want to be.

Success Is More Fun Shared

Have you ever made it to the top?  Perhaps you are not sure of what I am referring to.  Have you ever made it to the top, the pinnacle of success, the peak of perhaps a career, or a life long accomplishment.  Those are the sort of ‘tops’ I am referring to.  So let me pose the question again, have you ever made it there?

Humor me, and allow me to ask another question.  When you got to the top, did you feel alone or were you surrounded by those who helped achieve that success that you now celebrate?

For me, it is a timely topic.  I recently had the opportunity to be a part of celebrating a friends success.  I, along with hundreds of other people all played a small role in their success, but in seeing them achieve that goal I can’t help but be proud to have been allowed to be a part of the process.

Success is awesome, and it is something we all seek.  Success alone however is hollow and lacks the substance that success shared with others brings.  The fact is, very rarely will a person achieve success all by themselves.  It is inevitable that many people played roles that allowed you to accomplish the things you want to accomplish.

I for one have been on both sides of that equation.  I have been fortunate to celebrate success with those who helped me achieve my goals, but likewise I have been involved as others sought the success desired for their life.

The amazing thing is both circumstances offer such fulfillment in life.  As I left the event that celebrated my friends success, I was honestly filled with pride and a true sense of accomplishment knowing that my bit role was important to the much larger picture.

Inversely, reflecting back I know that my successes in life would not have come were it not for the sacrifice and support of others invested in me and the vision outlined.  

As humans, we were not designed to do life alone.  Life is much better in community, and success simply comes as a byproduct of that community.  Are you connected in community?  Perhaps the better question might be, are you connected in community and working towards a common goal that will see you or others achieve success?

The challenge is really quite simple.  If you are the one seeking success in an area of life, embrace those that are there to support you.  And when you accomplish that item, recognize those that helped and share your joy with them.

Likewise, if you are part of someone else’s journey, embrace that time and put your all into it.  Be the person they need you to be, and do not be afraid to celebrate with them when they accomplish the item set out to be conquered.

I promise you, when you tackle life in that manner, life will reward you and truly make your life lived fuller and more complete.  And in the end, that helps to define success, no matter where you are at in your life right now.

*****

Personal Success Coach is pleased to offer coaching packages starting at $299 per month.  Each session is intentional and deliberately designed with you in mind to address the issues important to you taking you from where you are in life to where you want to be.

Preparation Is Kay

May I ask you a question?  How much time have you spent since this week planning for Christmas?  Please do not just answer without considering your answer, take a moment to reflect back to how much time you have actually spent planning for the upcoming holiday.

I get it, the holidays are a big deal, and require a lot of planning.  You are not alone, in our own house plans are being made, decorations being hung.  Consideration is being given as to who gifts will be given, and what those gifts will be.  Truth be told, as of this morning, my wife and I have not purchased a single item yet - for anyone!

I raise this question for a very specific reason.  I would like for you to stop and think for a moment how much time you will spend planning and preparing for Christmas, and then ask yourself if you are investing at least that amount of time and energy into planning for the upcoming new year.

At this moment in time I am either hearing crickets or conversation.  I have some friends that have not done any planning for Christmas, and yet when the topic of their life plan for the upcoming year, they will go on for hours talking about all the things they want to accomplish.

Let me be clear, I am in no way, shape, or form, suggesting that a well laid plan that includes the perfect present for that special someone is not important - but might I suggest a well laid plan for the next chapter of your life is of more significance and importance.

I spoke to a potential client several weeks ago, it was a cold contact that came as a result of a referral service I subscribe to.  During the conversation, the gentleman told me how screwed up his life was, how he lacked direction, and how he didn’t know what he wanted out of life.  

It only took a few minutes of this for me to recognize that for this individual, absent a plan his life would continue to track on the path it has thus far within his journey.  

Absent a plan, it is impossible to live life with intention and accomplish the things you want to accomplish within your life.  And just like the effort expended on making sure the holidays are perfect for those you love in your life, effort expended on creating a plan and sticking to pays enormous dividends for you and the ones you love.

The challenge is simple this week.  In between work, and family and all the other things that consume your time, spend a few minutes jotting down some ideas that you can formulate into a plan that allows you to not only end 2019 strong, but kick off 2020 with the momentum you need to own it and make your life the life you want it to be.

I promise you, the effort you spend making that plan will always pay bigger dividends than the time spent planning for the holidays.  Make today the day you get intentional about your life and its direction.

*****

Personal Success Coach is pleased to offer coaching packages starting at $299 per month.  Each session is intentional and deliberately designed with you in mind to address the issues important to you taking you from where you are in life to where you want to be.

Stop And Reflect

Every year, this week causes people to take a moment and stop and reflect back, ideally with the intent of being thankful and grateful for the things in your life.  Truth be told, to some the actual act of thankfulness may seem cliche, but I think that attitude is not only wrong, but extremely flawed.

During this past year, I made a new friend who really forced me into a position of having to be thankful for what I have, but more importantly the sacrifice others have made on my behalf that allows me to have what I have.

My friends name is Tony, and although a few years my senior, we are close enough in age that others would simply assume we are about the same age.  What Tony exudes in terms of service and sacrifice causes me to pause and recognize how good I have had it, and how lucky I have been.

Tony enlisted in the Army at a young age.  As I was walking across the stage at my high school graduation, Tony was boots on the ground in a foreign country fighting a war to help liberate others under the repressive thumb of dictatorship. 

What breaks my heart is the fact that Tony was injured, he suffered, and although now fully retired from active duty, the scars and injuries endured in service continue to this day.

What causes me to stop and reflect is this simple fact.  When I woke up each morning during the last 25 years, my typical focus was on my family, my friends, and ways to conquer the world.  Tony’s perspective is quite different serving strangers in a far away land, and hoping and praying that he would be safe and make it back to his bunk (or worse) and the end of each day.  

Tony is not alone, we all have a Tony in our life that served in a role few can imagine, but many have endured.

I’m thankful for Tony this Thanksgiving season, but more important I’m thankful for people just like Tony, who willingly volunteered on my behalf, to keep our country the best it can be, serving in places I hope I never have to go, facing enemies that would keep most of us awake at night.

Tony has the scars and injuries that he wears as a badge of honor.  There is no regret from Tony as to his service.  Quite to the contrary, I have seen that servants heart extended into a civilian role as Tony reenters a world I’m quite familiar with, but one that he is learning and now finding his role and way to serve others.

Tony may never strap body armor on again, or use a machine gun to serve, but the weapons he now uses to serve are much more powerful, his voice, his story, and his example.  

This week, as you gather around your dinner table complaining about your family that you can’t stand, or the things you think are wrong.  Take a minute and reflect back on the Tony’s you know in your life.  I for one will have Tony and his family sitting across from us as we break bread together, enjoy some really good food, and dine in the company of friends and family.

Being thankful and grateful is a powerful tool that helps put perspective on life.  I promise you, no matter how bad you think you have it, there is always someone else that wishes they could be you.  Thankfully, because of the service of people just like Tony, you and I have the freedom and opportunities we have, and I for one can tell you, you really don’t have it that bad.

Happy Thanksgiving from my family to yours.

*****

Personal Success Coach is pleased to offer coaching packages starting at $299 per month.  Each session is intentional and deliberately designed with you in mind to address the issues important to you taking you from where you are in life to where you want to be.

The Disfunction of Family

It may not be funny, but it sure is true.  It is said you can pick your friends, but you cannot pick your family.  I think if we are all honest, there is a lot of that statement we all can relate to.  Even if you are not honest about this, I will be honest.  

Sadly, I come from a family, that much like EVERYONE ELSES has high degrees of disfunction on some level or another.  I state this to point out that you, are not alone.  You, like me, are in a boat that many people share.

It is interesting however how different people deal with and handle the disfunction that exists within their own lives.

This past weekend saw a family reunion of sorts occur in my neck of the woods.  Truth be told, it has been, and continues to be a really fun event.  The issue lies in the fact that one of my parents remains bitter and hostile towards the other, thirty years after the divorce occurred.  

It is as if they are each others kryptonite.  Because of this, it is just best that that parent simply not be alerted or advised should the other one be in town.  It is just that simple.  

Or at least should be.  

To me, it is simply childish behavior stemming from events of a bygone era.  To put it into perspective, these events occurred at a time and place wherein most people had a landline phone, if, and the key word is, IF, they had a cell phone, they wanted it to flip because that is what the status symbol of the day was.  BMW 3-Series still sold more manuals than automatics, and heck, you can’t even get a manual 3-Series anymore since they only sell automatics.

You get the picture, A LONG TIME AGO.

The fact is, there is actually a lesson that can be extracted from the events of this weekend and the relationships that still cause stress on others.

Are you ready for it?

Here goes…

GET OVER IT.

You heard me.  GET OVER IT.  The fact is, life is way too short to hold on to the things that make you mad or upset.  I get it, relationships break, and sometimes even lead to divorce.  And sure, one side or the other may be baffled in the reality that that now brings, but the fact is.  Life goes on, and so should you.

I write this, perhaps more so for me and my family, than for you and yours.  But the fact is, in life I think we all tend to hold on to stuff more than we should and by doing so we introduce disfunction into our lives and the world we live in.

And for what?

If you, and I, are truly honest with ourselves.  It accomplishes NOTHING except creating stress in our lives and the lives of those we love and enjoy doing life with.   Worse, if you hold on to it long enough, and banter, and rant, and rave, and complain, and dissent as often as I have seen some do, guess what?  Others do not enjoy being around you.

No, there was no Kum Ba Ya moment this weekend between my parents, nor should there have been.  What should have occurred is adults acting like adults and simply getting along because it is the right thing to do, regardless of past grievances, right, wrong or indifferent.

But that is OK, because you, like me, have the option to not only learn from those past mistake, but to do better within our own lives and families and seek ways not to repeat those mistakes.

Yes, you, and you alone have the ability to effect change in your life and the lives around you.  I don’t know about you, but for me, that just seems to make more sense that the alternative.  

So here is the challenge this week, and it is in fact a very simple one.  If there are areas in your life that you are carrying baggage, rather than continue to carry that baggage.  Why not resolve it, let it go, put it behind you, and move on with your life choosing to look forward versus constantly looking back.

This much I know.  You, like me may have disfunction floating around within your world, but like me, you can choose not to allow it to affect the life you live, and the life you want for your loved ones and friends.  

*****

Personal Success Coach is pleased to offer coaching packages starting at $299 per month.  Each session is intentional and deliberately designed with you in mind to address the issues important to you taking you from where you are in life to where you want to be.

Everyone Is A Success At Something

Let’s face it, we all know the person in our lives who is in a constant state of chaos.  Every time you encounter them, it is only a matter of minutes before the drama starts.  The complete rundown of everything going wrong, and the list of those who wronged them.  The never ending pity party of failure and distress.

You know the person(s) in your life, I know the people who fit that bill in my life.  Truth be told, I try to avoid them like the plague.  I cringe when I see their name popup on my caller ID, I squirm when meeting them in public.  To add a little bit of humor too in person meetings, I will go out of my way to excuse myself leaving my wife or others there to listen while I move on to other things.

I just do not have time to listen as they regurgitate their life issues, over and over and over again.  It grows old, we all grow weary, and if we are truly honest, often times we probably ponder the age old question, why won’t they make a change.

Here though, lies the most unfortunate truth with those people.

THEY ARE SUCCEEDING IN LIFE!

You heard me, they are truly a success in life.  They have succeeded at choosing to lead a life that has something or someone to blame for the current predicament they are in.  And within that context hides the lesson I think we all can embrace and apply to our own lives.

You (and I) will succeed at something in life.  We may succeed by being successful, we may succeed by failing.  But guess what, either way, success has occurred.

I know some awfully successful failures.  No, I am not talking about those who have failed, picked themselves up and tried again achieving the success they were seeking.  

Nope, the kind of success I am referring to is the person who constantly is in a state of failure in their lives.  Technically speaking, they have succeeded at what they set out to do.  If success is consistently doing things right to achieve an outcome - then failing all the time at everything tried is a success in and of itself.

Imagine living life being known as successful for failing.  

And yet, we all know people who fall under this definition.  People who allow life, or the events of their life, to dictate the path their life follows.  People who use those events as the catalyst to not effect change, thereby failing in whatever they try.

Around my house, the word ‘can’t’ is equivalent to a cuss word.  It is a word that I find so self-destructive as it contains within it a self-fulfilling prophecy.  I tell my kids all the time, “when you say you can’t do something, you will succeed at that statement.”  I can’t is the opposite of I can, and I can is the springboard that successful people use to make their lives one that effects change in those around them, and in some cases, the world around them.

Circling back to the opening salvo this week, in identifying those you know who live their life in a constant state of excuse thereby creating an environment that they continually succeed at failing, let me ask you if that is the way you want to live life?  

My guess would be, “No,” I for one know that I may not always succeed at that which I try, but the success comes from trying, learning, and applying to future endeavors.

This week be intentional about surrounding yourself with people, who like you, choose to succeed in life.  Be open and receptive to not only sharing your secrets to success, but listening as they shares theirs with you.

Anyone can makes excuses, choose instead to make successes.

*****

Personal Success Coach is pleased to offer coaching packages starting at $299 per month.  Each session is intentional and deliberately designed with you in mind to address the issues important to you taking you from where you are in life to where you want to be.

One Hour Backwards

I woke up yesterday at 4:18.  On a normal weekday, my alarm chimes at 4:39 and my feet hit the shower by 4:41.  If I mange to sleep to 6:30 on a weekend, that qualifies as sleeping in.  This weekend was, depending on your outlook, the dreaded or anticipated ‘fall back’ weekend, where clocks everywhere magically move backwards one hour thereby providing an additional hour of sleep.

Of course, we could get into the discussion of why this is stupid, and how in reality there really is not an extra hour of sleep, and I am sure that conversation would be captivating to all, however, with the change in time I thought we could have some fun and take the time change a level or two deeper and ponder the idea that if, and the key word here is ‘if’, you could turn back time, what thing(s) would you change.

But in the interest of keeping it inline with the time change, if you could turn back the clock one hour what thing would you look to change, or do differently.

What conversation might you have again to create a different outcome?

What decision might be hanging low that could be rethought to achieve different results?

The questions are valid and the ideas almost endless.  The ability to go back, in effect have a do over, get to set things right.  I can guarantee there is something in everyones life that they wish they could do again if given the chance.

May I throw a wild idea at you?

You can.

And you can start today.

Life, and people, have a funny way of granting a tremendous amount of grace and mercy to folks willing to come back, acknowledge previous outcomes that didn’t go off as desired, and grant them the ability to have a second chance.  

In other words, might I suggest that we all have opportunities each and every day, to set the clock back, and gain a second chance to create a better outcome.  And here is what I know to be true.  When afforded those opportunities, if you truly act in a way that suggests you have learned from past mistakes, the situation and the relationship almost always comes out stronger than it was previous.

I don’t know about you, but to me that seems like a win-win that can be applied to life, more importantly it seems like a lesson that can be applied to my life, and maybe yours?

This week, as your body readjusts to time might I suggest you seek out those opportunities for a do over and actively engage with the person or activity that wasn’t handled to your best last time, and give it another go.  I promise you, in those moments of vulnerability those you seek for the do over will not only respect you more, but almost always grant you that which you request.

So there it is, this week seek out some set the clock backwards moments, and allow the time to get straightened out.  Your mind and your body will thank you.  And look at the bright side, unlike day light savings time, you will not have chase through the house trying to change all the clocks and replace all the smoke detector batteries!

*****

Personal Success Coach is pleased to offer coaching packages starting at $299 per month.  Each session is intentional and deliberately designed with you in mind to address the issues important to you taking you from where you are in life to where you want to be.

Choosing To Fail

I have a friend, he is almost 20 years older than me, and having known him for most of my life, I think I can speak with authority in the topic being introduced here today.  

My friend has been married several times, and divorced from the mother of his three adult children, he now resides with his girlfriend who is my age, and therefore 20 years younger than he is.  

Got it?  Good!

I lay the ground work as it will serve as an important idea I am going to try to develop this week regarding life in general.  My friend and his ex-wife raised three kids, all of whom are college educated and functioning, contributing members of society.  

The girlfriend has three adult kids as well, but those kids are younger in comparison to those raised by my friend, coming in around 20, 22 & 24 - give or take a year or two on each.  These three kids life paths have been quite different from those taken by my friends kids.  Although as a result of a teenage pregnancy the middle child was forced into being an adult, the oldest and youngest still have not transitioned into adulthood yet.

I bring you one more nugget of information to more fully develop the backstory - the girlfriend is comes from a family that is third or fourth generation, dependent.  In other words, the lineage is such that the family as a whole depends on the government to survive.  Call it what you will, food stamps, subsidized rent, hand outs, tax breaks.

Now let me be very clear here.  I am not in any way, shape or form attempting to make a social or political statement with what I am sharing here, for me, the lesson comes from the choices each individual makes that can effect the outcomes of their own lives. 

Recently, the youngest of the three kids rejoined my friend and his girlfriend, the kids mother.  He had had an extended stay at his birth fathers house, and after battling drug addictions and other issues, he decided to move to his mothers verbally stating he wanted to start life over and have a redo.

Starting over and having a redo is hard.  I do not want to suggest it is easy at all.  Making the fundamental changes necessary in life to course correct and determine a different outcome is extremely difficult.  But hear me out, it is extremely difficult, but not impossible. 

My friend asked me if I would meet with this young man, and I agreed.  During out time together he spoke a big game, talked about all the things he wanted to accomplish, and to his credit he had a “take the world by the horns” attitude necessary to start the path towards success.

During our time together I gave him a very simple assignment, one that would only take a few moments, but within the assignment it would require some really hard self reflection and adjustment.  I told him that I was all for him seeking to change his world and his outcome, but that the change could only start with him, emphasizing that the only thing he could change is himself and therefore despite all the distractions and complications of life, he was going to be the one that needed to change.

Sadly, as of today, the simple assignment given to him by me has remained uncompleted.  I have seen him a couple of times since our first meeting, and my friend keeps me in the loop as to the lack of progress with this young man.  The sad truth is, he is more content to blame his circumstances on everyone else, than he is willing to own the circumstances and start taking the difficult steps towards change.

Here is where I am at with this process.  The reality is, we all have circumstances that affect the outcome of our lives.  Perhaps yours are not as tragic as this young mans are, perhaps they are worse.  The question I always like to see asked and answered is simply this, what are you doing to make the changes necessary to achieve the outcomes in life you want to achieve.  

Yes, it sucks that this kid had the deck stacked against him from the day he was born given the circumstances he was born into .  It sucks.  I’m not going to argue that point for even a minute.  But here is what I know, he can, if was chooses too, make changes necessary to confront those challenges and set himself up for success in this life.  

NO ONE ELSE CAN DO IT FOR HIM - and guess what, no one else can do if for you either.

You and you alone hold the keys to your life’s journey in the palm of your hands.  You and you alone can either choose to make the past events of your life the reason why you fail, or the reason you succeed.

And guess what, you have the ability to start that change TODAY.

If you make that choice.

So the challenge is really simple this week.  If you are stuck in a place using the events that have occurred to you in the past as the reason you are the way you are today.  STOP IT, and start making change that will positively affect the outcome of the rest of your life.  Just because you started behind does not mean you cannot finish strong.

Make today the day you stop making excuses and start making decisions that will positively affect the rest of your life.

The journey will not be easy and the steps you need to take will probably be hard, but I can promise you this, the outcome you will achieve will be worth it.  

When I get to the end of my days, I want to reflect back and say with confidence that I lived my life to its fullest, that I gave it my all, and that I did the best job possible for me, the ones I love, the ones I am fortunate enough to do life with.  

I believe with all my heart and soul that failure is a choice, but it is not a choice I accept, and it is not a choice that I will allow to hold me down.  I feel bad for that young man, but in the end, I know the only person who can make that change is him, and right now, he has chosen to fail.

How about you???

*****

Personal Success Coach is pleased to offer coaching packages starting at $299 per month.  Each session is intentional and deliberately designed with you in mind to address the issues important to you taking you from where you are in life to where you want to be.